Aeroprism wrote:Very well written, the two transitions were masterfully done, they flowed elegantly without breaking the pace of the story at all. Speaking of pace, it was very slow paced, very relaxing. There was no climax built, even in the end, which allows the reader to further ponder on Flynn's thoughts instead of simply going "OMG BATTLE".
I'll bear the pacing in mind for future, thanks.
I'd love for you to write a physical description of Claire, one of these days, so I can have a mental image as I develop her as a full fledged NPC.
Ah, thanks for reminding me. Lately I've forgotten this. But I think the reason for not giving a full description is because I've had plans to draw some artwork for her as well alongside a revised version of Flynn. But if a description is needed I can hurry that along so you have it.
I find it a bit strange that it would take ten years for a soldier to make corporal, then again, on Mota I placed the life expectancy to about 120 years so it would make sense that careers advancement is a little slower compared to our standards.
Personal experience tells me that, generally, promotion to Corporal can be quite competitive, especially for soldiers. It depends really.
The only other thing that annoyed me is the use of the word rioters. Maybe it's the francophone in me speaking but doesn't riot/rioters automatically implies chaos and violence? In this case, wouldn't we be talking about protesters?
My bad. I didn't give this any thought at all to be honest and just picked the first word for it.
I liked how the officer was introduced. The "unnamed, faceless military bad guy" cliché always works. It allows the reader to hate him without reserve.
What can I say? I'm terrible with names.
Plus I didn't see the point. It also helped add to the feel that the people there had just been randomly drafted and thrown into the situation together.