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PostPosted: Wed Oct 13, '10, 10:54 pm 
Hello,

This topic is for reviews of Flynn's Tale - The Few for the Many by Xander. You may use this topic to let Xander know what you think of this work. When commenting, try to go into detail about what you enjoyed or thought could be improved. Both praise and constructive criticism are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive criticisms.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Flynn's Tale - The Few for the Many. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Thoul


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 27, '10, 4:44 pm 
I'm surprised there were no reviews of this yet, seems EOTA is losing speed, I blame the DM.

I took my sweet time to review this because my life has been hectic lately but I'm here to spend some time working with EOTA, starting with this review.

Very well written, the two transitions were masterfully done, they flowed elegantly without breaking the pace of the story at all. Speaking of pace, it was very slow paced, very relaxing. There was no climax built, even in the end, which allows the reader to further ponder on Flynn's thoughts instead of simply going "OMG BATTLE".

I'd love for you to write a physical description of Claire, one of these days, so I can have a mental image as I develop her as a full fledged NPC.

I find it a bit strange that it would take ten years for a soldier to make corporal, then again, on Mota I placed the life expectancy to about 120 years so it would make sense that careers advancement is a little slower compared to our standards.

The only other thing that annoyed me is the use of the word rioters. Maybe it's the francophone in me speaking but doesn't riot/rioters automatically implies chaos and violence? In this case, wouldn't we be talking about protesters?

I liked how the officer was introduced. The "unnamed, faceless military bad guy" cliché always works. It allows the reader to hate him without reserve.

Yup. Good stuff.

Time for me to write some trial.

Keep it up, sergeant.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 27, '10, 5:03 pm 
Aeroprism wrote:Very well written, the two transitions were masterfully done, they flowed elegantly without breaking the pace of the story at all. Speaking of pace, it was very slow paced, very relaxing. There was no climax built, even in the end, which allows the reader to further ponder on Flynn's thoughts instead of simply going "OMG BATTLE".

I'll bear the pacing in mind for future, thanks.

Quote:I'd love for you to write a physical description of Claire, one of these days, so I can have a mental image as I develop her as a full fledged NPC.

Ah, thanks for reminding me. Lately I've forgotten this. But I think the reason for not giving a full description is because I've had plans to draw some artwork for her as well alongside a revised version of Flynn. But if a description is needed I can hurry that along so you have it.

Quote:I find it a bit strange that it would take ten years for a soldier to make corporal, then again, on Mota I placed the life expectancy to about 120 years so it would make sense that careers advancement is a little slower compared to our standards.

Personal experience tells me that, generally, promotion to Corporal can be quite competitive, especially for soldiers. It depends really.

Quote:The only other thing that annoyed me is the use of the word rioters. Maybe it's the francophone in me speaking but doesn't riot/rioters automatically implies chaos and violence? In this case, wouldn't we be talking about protesters?

My bad. I didn't give this any thought at all to be honest and just picked the first word for it. :D

Quote:I liked how the officer was introduced. The "unnamed, faceless military bad guy" cliché always works. It allows the reader to hate him without reserve.

What can I say? I'm terrible with names. ;) Plus I didn't see the point. It also helped add to the feel that the people there had just been randomly drafted and thrown into the situation together.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, '10, 5:42 am 
Wow, very good story and it totally captured my interest from wanting to find out what really happened to Claire to Flynn's battle with the other soilder. Sorry the other guy died, but he really pushed the situation out of control, imo. Looking forward to reading more of Flynn and Claire's story one day, I hope.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, '10, 1:37 pm 
SS1, if that story was to your liking, you really need to follow Flynn's current adventure in the RP thread then.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, '10, 6:35 pm 
Aeroprism wrote:SS1, if that story was to your liking, you really need to follow Flynn's current adventure in the RP thread then.



Yes, I liked that story very much, and thanks for the tip, I will certainly have to check Flynn's new adventure out. :yes:


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, '10, 6:52 pm 
Now I had a feeling I was missing something and remembered there was that RP post I almost put up as backstory, mainly because it took place within the game and was nothing set in his past. I've pinged it to you in PM form. You can review it in this thread here if you wish.

Also, his new backstory is coming along well in my head. It's going to be quite big. There's even a little cameo thrown in there.


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