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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, '12, 11:23 pm 
Hello,

You may use this topic to share your thoughts regarding Phantasy Star Galaxies by lockcitra22. When reviewing, try to go into detail about what you enjoy or feel could be improved in Phantasy Star Galaxies. Both praise and constructive criticism intended to help lockcitra22 in future endeavors are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive comments.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Phantasy Star Galaxies. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Fringes of Algo Staff


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 4, '12, 2:33 am 
Well, I usually review stories when they are complete. And, if I'm not mistaken, your story is not complete. However, as you are a newcomer, I decided to give my thoughts.

Your story has interesting characters, and, until now, it was a good argument. I don't know yet what will happen, but it surely was enough to keep me interested.

However, on the style department, it looks nothing like a regular story. I know it is boring to do that, but maybe you should take your time to take advantage of the use of paragraphs to separate ideas. Besides, it is extremely advised to follow the rule of one person talking per paragraph.

Another advice I'd give you is that you slow down a bit. You often seem to be in a rush to tell what is happening, and you neglect some important aspects of stories, like descriptions, and minor actions. They help a lot making your narrative clearer, and more pleasurable to read.

So, you have the most important thing, that is a plot, but don't overlook the other aspects, in order to transform a good tale in a great story. My older stories were not very good as well, and now I know how important it is to waste my time with structuring my writings. So, I'm just giving you the advice which was given to me in the past, and I hope you don't take it as a criticism, but as a help.


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