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 Post subject: Reviews of Failure
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, '11, 2:37 pm 
Hello,

This topic is for reviews of Failure by H-Man. You may use this topic to let H-Man know what you think of this work. When commenting, try to go into detail about what you enjoyed or thought could be improved. Both praise and constructive criticism are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive criticisms.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Failure. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Thoul


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Failure
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, '11, 2:58 pm 
Good story, makes us feel sorry for Aron not being able to fix Miun. Though Miun doesn't get much depth, Aron's feeling makes us sympathize with the poor android. His behavior gives her some humanity she otherwise would not have.

Kara as Aron's "emotional anchor", as you say, is very good as well. We can see from her eyes that Miun is just a machine that cannot be repaired, but she is sensitive enough to Aron's feelings and manages to comfort him in a beautiful way.

Most of all, you were able to give a personality to Aron, the blandest PSIII character :p


Last edited by tilinelson2 on Wed Mar 23, '11, 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Failure
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, '11, 7:20 pm 
Indeed, Aron is one of the blandest PS III characters. Though this is probably due to nobody writing for him in the first place. So allow me to first give you credit for writing something for him and actually giving him a personality.
I like the direction you've taken him, for once not making him out to be quite the boldest third generation prince there is, instead making his main...thing being the problem of his heritage and how others see him for it. Plus, making him a bit of a techy is a good touch. I suppose someone has to fix the machines.

As for the story itself. It's nice to see a different take of the encounter between Miun and the others, since it didn't really go much further than "OMG orakio's sword! Bleh! Ack!" *dead* "Hey, let's take her claw because someone said so and ignore the fact she's been alone out here for 1000 years."
Plus, the fact that she * a machine, you'd think someone would try to fix her up while they're there. Alas, she was beyond help. But then, 1000 years in the desert will do that to you. You've done a good job of getting Aron's feelings for the situation across nicely as well.

Anyhoo, very nicely written in all. While I said to do more Sari and Ayn stuff, I'd urge you to carry on with this storyline as well. I'll need to elave a review for the showdown between Rulakir and Aron at some point. That one was pretty sweet. :D


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Failure
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, '11, 10:24 pm 
You know, I never considered it before, but it is kind of cold that no one ever tried to fix Miun in 1000 years. :( Your portrayal of Aron and Kara's relationship was nicely done again and I like how Aron's interest in mechanical things from the previous stories came into play here; however, I would have liked to see more of a reaction/response from Mieu since she is practically "related" to Miun.


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Failure
PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, '11, 7:29 pm 
Interesting story, excellent use of emotion in this case. I can tell you that it can feel quite hurtful if you resolve to fix something, only to find that it's impossible to repair it. The fact that Miun is more human-like than a toaster really drives the punch home.


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