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 Post subject: Reviews of Gryz's Tale
PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, '11, 6:37 am 
Hello,

You may use this topic to share your thoughts regarding Gryz's Tale by carlsojos. When reviewing, try to go into detail about what you enjoy or feel could be improved in Gryz's Tale. Both praise and constructive criticism intended to help carlsojos in future endeavors are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive comments.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Gryz's Tale. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Fringes of Algo Staff


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, '11, 10:31 am 
A good improvement on narrative and text flow from your other works. This time, your pace is much better, and I think it is something that you should aim to follow in your next stories.

The concept of the story was interesting, but I think it didn't blend well with PSIV. Not only the events look unnatural to PSIV, but also they didn't give you room to develop the characters accordingly, in a way that if you replace Chaz for Joe, it doesn't make any difference. And, if you replace Rika's metabolic problem for cancer, it would look much better.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, '11, 6:35 pm 
tilinelson2 wrote:And, if you replace Rika's metabolic problem for cancer, it would look much better.

I disagree on this one, because cancer has no cure- it would be quite likely that the effort to treat it would be in vain because remission is temporary.

Quote:My question to you, child, is this: By stealing the cure to save Rika, did Chaz do the right thing? And why do you think that?

Out of curiosity, do you mind answering the question? I'm wondering on the validity of a theory attached to the story I based off of here.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, '11, 10:30 pm 
carlsojos wrote:
tilinelson2 wrote:And, if you replace Rika's metabolic problem for cancer, it would look much better.

I disagree on this one, because cancer has no cure- it would be quite likely that the effort to treat it would be in vain because remission is temporary.

Quote:My question to you, child, is this: By stealing the cure to save Rika, did Chaz do the right thing? And why do you think that?

Out of curiosity, do you mind answering the question? I'm wondering on the validity of a theory attached to the story I based off of here.


First of all, cancer has cure and millions of people have been cured of that disease. Then, your alternative was very bad because it made Rika's disease unique (she was the only numan in the world), the existence of an antidote for it absurd, and the fact that Wren demanded a considerable sum in exchange of it even more absurd. Who would benefit from denying the elixir for the only person in the world who would need it? Besides, knowing the urgency of Rika's case, it would be more than reasonable for Wren to accept part of what Chaz had obtained, then letting him pay the rest in the future. Like the government lending money for an average citizen to buy the so-needed medicine.

When I told you that the story didn't work for PSIV setting, is that you took away all the significance of the dilemma: if it was an expensive medicine for a common disease, like cancer, then you'd have the moral dilemma of "is everything worthy for saving one's life, even when it is made through an illegal act that, in fact, may be harming someone?", but what you've got is a non-issue, just because you urged for using the PSIV characters in a situation that doesn't fit their story.


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