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PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, '11, 7:55 pm 
Hello,

This topic is for reviews of A Welcome Home Present by H-Man. You may use this topic to let H-Man know what you think of this work. When commenting, try to go into detail about what you enjoyed or thought could be improved. Both praise and constructive criticism are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive criticisms.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of A Welcome Home Present. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Thoul


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, '11, 8:00 pm 
I didn't spot anything wrong, and overall, this story is an excellent show of emotion. It's a nice story, and I do find myself curious on the Fanbi incident.

I've no experience with pregnant ladies, but you've made quite a believable scene here.

It's interesting that you decided to include PS II names for Alair's consideration. It could be argued whether "Nei" would be among them given the nature of her creation, but that isn't worth marking against the story.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, '11, 8:03 pm 
Well, I've already done that before, but, well... Lovely story. I loved the way you portrayed Alair because she is very much like a real-life character, with her worries about her son, about her pregnancy. Her mixed feelings of happiness and doubt at such an event. She is a very down to earth character and she is like the wife all of us wanted to have when we reach our forties.

These techniques... hmmm... I wonder what you had in mind when you wrote them :p


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, '11, 8:23 pm 
I enjoyed reading this story. I agree that you've got a great representation of Alair here. She's very down to earth considerate, which is something PSII generally didn't leave me expect from Layan characters. Not that most of them have a lot of development in the game, but that's another topic.

Anyway, lots of great family moments here. It's wonderful to see that Nial and Alair are so close and full of emotion. I feel like I've missed something on seeing "Lohengrin" in the list of names, but maybe I'm just reading too much into that.


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