No worries, you posted this in exactly the correct place.
It's an excellent review. While reading it, I was reminded a lot of the articles I used to read in Electronic Gaming Monthly back in the 1990s. You have a very similar style to those professional writers, which is a good thing.
There are only two things I would critique in the review. First is the repetition of "pass him off" in the first paragraph. It's a minor thing, but that would have felt more natural to me if you had used something else the second time. Perhaps something like "...mistaken to simply dismiss him as such" would be better,
Second, I think you may have spoiled a little too much of the game. Not by much, though. This goes back to the way the review reminds me of magazine pieces; they would give just enough details to hook someone into being curious of the story while not letting too much slip, so that the reader would want to play the game to experience it. I think you said a little too much about the Darum scene and the death scene, that it might rob the first time player of some of the experience. It's a very fine line to walk and while your review doesn't stray too far over the line, it does go there a little bit.