Phantasy Star: Fringes of Algo

Hello,

You may use this topic to share your thoughts regarding Tried and True (an EOTA Story) by H-Man. When reviewing, try to go into detail about what you enjoy or feel could be improved in Tried and True (an EOTA Story). Both praise and constructive criticism intended to help H-Man in future endeavors are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive comments.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Tried and True (an EOTA Story). If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Fringes of Algo Staff

Oh wow, I really enjoyed this story with Corg!

Glad to get to know Corg's friend, Dee, as she seems like a real friend in the truest sense of the word.

Interesting Party, and beginnings of a real "catfight", lol. That was very fun to read. Poor Corg was a real Gentleman through it all, even after almost getting drowned in drink, lol.

Corg and Dee make a good pair. I look forward to reading more with these two.

I only noticed a few things that might require some proofreading and for your consideration, they are:

In the paragraph: "The tuxedo-clad Corg walked up to dome-like structure that was Dee’s house and pressed the button on the intercom. A hollow, robotic voice declared, “Welcome to the Estiano estate. Please enter the code or wait for someone to attend you.”

(Note: A word ("the" or "a") possibly needed in sentence between words "to" and "dome-like".)

In the sentence/paragraph: "Corg stood around for a couple of seconds, looking at the contents of the mall, transparent box he was carrying."

(Note: Did you mean "mall" or "small" transparent box?)

In the paragraph: "Dee was a bit too short to wrap her arms around Corg’s neck without eventually feeling a little uncomfortable, so she guided his right hand behind her and took his left hand into her right. The smiled at each other and Dee complimented him and his adapting relatively quickly to something “so strange as dancing.” As they moved slowly in circles, Dee gave Corg some advice."

(Note: "The" smiled or "They" smiled?)

Cute story. I like the poem segments.