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 Post subject: Reviews of Inheritance
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, '11, 3:11 pm 
Hello,

You may use this topic to share your thoughts regarding Inheritance by H-Man. When reviewing, try to go into detail about what you enjoy or feel could be improved in Inheritance. Both praise and constructive criticism intended to help H-Man in future endeavors are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive comments.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Inheritance. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Fringes of Algo Staff


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, '11, 7:06 pm 
Good to read about the 3rd generation people trying to carry on after the battle against Dark Force. Your description of Cille through the eyes of the protagonist is excellent.

It is good to see Sean returning to his previous life, taking care of what was his, rebuilding his empire because, after the war, life goes on and he was still the heir of lots of lands. It makes Alisa III future look more realistic.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, '11, 8:08 pm 
This is one of the best stories I have read. It has an uplifting theme even in the midst of destruction and turmoil which is a lesson of enduring encouragement for everyone everywhere. It also says to me that family (past, present, and future) is so important, and love endures forever no matter what else happens. I also loved the "romance" in the story. Excellent! :clap:

Sean's Mother was very wise with the statement "The best cure for worry is work." Very well said. :yes:

There were a few things that I noticed which did not seem entirely clear, in my opinion, and may need some extra proofreading, etc., and they are:

In paragraph 5, the sentence .. "She let the soil fall through her calloused fingers a back onto the resting place of the mound’s inhabitants."

Note: Should that be "and"?

In paragraph 6, the sentence..."The girl smiled; whatever his reasons for coming here were, he had least demonstrated a level of respect to this place and its original denizens that had not been seen in about two decades."

Note: Should that be "atleast"??

In paragraph 12, "As she had expected, the place had been indeed seen to by human element, and recently at that."

In paragraph 16, "She heard the squishy sound of water being squeezed out of the material as the moved."

In paragraph 23, "He wiped the thick beads of goo formed from his sweat mixing with dust off his face with his cape."

Note: May need some commas as it seems to all run together.

In paragraph 44, "She cupped her head around his head and pulled it toward her lips."

Note: Should that be "cupped her hands"??


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