Phantasy Star: Fringes of Algo

Many days have passed, but they did not help changing the situation between Anna and Rolf. Rolf was relieved to see the guardian’s abilities in the battlefield; after a slow start, for it had been a long time since she had last fought biomonsters, she soon picked up with the group in terms of tactics, strategy and individual skill. Equipped with better weapons and armor, Anna proved to be a deadly hunter, usually wiping out entire groups of biomonsters with just a single blow of her slashers. Rolf was mostly impressed with her agility; she was as fast as Nei, but she was just a common woman, without the animal cells which made his sister have an inhuman agility. Her fighting skills were top-notch; no wonder she was already a rank III guardian being so young. Rolf didn't know how old she was, for she had never talked about her past, but he guessed she couldn't be much older than him.

Her refusal in talking about her past and her isolation inside the group were the things that made Rolf feel uneasy. She followed his orders without questioning them, she cooperated during the missions, and she was completely loyal to the group, often risking her own life to protect her companions. However, apart from that, she never talked to anybody else, she had never shown interest for anything else. The only words that came out of her mind were related to their mission; she would remain completely silent during the leisure moments. She would always stay home, in silence, alone, locked in the laundry. Anna wanted so much to be alone that she made the laundry her bedroom.

The entrance of Kain and Shir in the group only made the situation worse. Kain tried to flirt with her occasionally. The result was that she not only ignored him, but also almost injured him in a sensitive part of his anatomy when he insisted in calling her gorgeous and making double entendre jokes. As for Shir, Rolf was surprised by the fact that apparently Anna and Shir knew each other before the latter joined the group, but Anna refused to talk anything about her past and Shir avoided the subject, dismissing it as an irrelevant previous encounter. Knowing each other, though, didn't help the relationship between the girls. Shir was not only the most talkative member of the group, but she also wanted to compete with Anna for men's attention. Anna tried to ignore Shir's provocation and sarcastic remarks, but Shir would not stop even when Anna completely ignored her harassment. It came to a point where Anna would immediately leave the room whenever Shir showed up.

But these things didn't make Rolf worry too much. If Anna was unwilling to connect with them, it was not a real problem. Her behavior had never put the party in risk. Anna had already shown courage and selflessness enough during the battles to make Rolf rest assured he could always trust her. The only thing that really annoyed him was the subject he was most sensitive about. Though everybody was already used to her fierce stare, Nei claimed Anna's stare at her was different from her regular stare. Nei had tried to talk to Anna, show respect and compassion for her, but the blonde guardian never answered her and never changed the way she stared at the Numan girl. Rolf tried to talk with Anna about this particular subject, but Anna, in a rare moment of extroversion, laughed and scoffed at the suggestion she had some veiled feelings against the Numan. Even so, Nei insisted that Anna had something against her, against her being a biomonster. There was something in her stare that made Nei shiver, that made her panic, that made her feel afraid of being harmed by the mysterious woman.

Rolf didn't know anymore who to trust, and the tension kept building up until it reached unsustainable heights. Rolf didn't want to send the guardian away because his sister's whim; she was too valuable in battle to be sent away for superficial reasons. Besides, he remembered very well that the blonde girl confessed him she wanted to join his group in order to forget about her painful past, so sending her away could further damage her already disturbed personality. On the other hand, his sister's well-being was more important than the mission itself was, so protective he was about Nei. Although he always tried to act with justice, he would consider doing something unfair to protect Nei. He would consider sending Anna away. He gave thought to the idea and he knew he would have to make up his mind, and make a decision eventually, to prevent and impending clash between the two girls. When he was maturing his decision, it was too late.

After getting the Maruera leaves, the group was waiting for the Kueri scientist to develop anything that could help them enter the Climatrol through the underwater passage. Rolf gave the group some days off to enable them to rest, deal with private business, and prepare for the next challenge. In the first day off, Rolf left to the central tower to research more about the Climatrol. Shir followed him, as she would do in every opportunity. The other members of the group eventually left to attend their own business, except Anna and Nei. Rolf had failed in foretelling the potentially dangerous situation he was creating by accident; Nei would not leave because he wouldn’t let her leave the house unaccompanied, for he knew people outside didn’t harm her only because of his presence. He remembered very well what happened the last time Nei tried to go out alone. Anna would not leave because she had nothing else to do and she preferred to be alone. Anna and Nei found themselves, by chance, alone in Rolf's home; if something between the girls were to happen, it was the perfect opportunity for it. And so it did.

Anna was returning from the back porch with her two slashers in hand. She was obsessed with keeping its blades very sharp, so, at the first opportunity, she went outside to keep the slasher blades as deadly as possible. While walking down the corridor, she met Nei. Her fierce stare sent shivers down the Numan girl's spine. Aware that she was alone with the guardian, Nei balked at the sight of the pair of slashers in the hands of the blonde girl. Anna would usually pass by her as if she was not present, but she was concerned with the purple haired girl's awkward reaction, who was clinging to the wall and shivering, so she slowed her pace and kept staring at Nei, trying to understand what was happening with the girl. The Numan, interpreting that as a sign that as a hostile act, clung even further to the wall. Her face went pale, her countenance showed fear and she started crouching slowly. Anna stopped, perplexed by the Numan's reaction. For Nei, it was the sign that Anna was ready to strike, so she barked at her companion with her voice charged with fear.

"Why are you staring at me like that? What have I done to you?"

The fear and terror in Nei's voice were enough to melt Anna's heart. Memories of her past, of Sara and Lizzie, came immediately to her mind. Although she was very tough in combat, Nei was just a fragile girl. Anna's altruistic instincts, buried under layers and layers of self-defense mechanisms, reacted so violently to the stimuli that they shattered all her self-defense mechanisms. The blue-eyed woman lost all the ferocity of her stare; it automatically became a compassionate stare.

"Why do you want to kill me?" The Numan girl had crouched completely; embracing her legs, and then broke down in tears, with her face buried in her thighs. She was trembling in fear, sobbing in despair, waiting for the worst to come. Nei was in a fetal position, her primal instincts claiming for motherly protection.

Anna was taken aback by the scene unfolding before her eyes. She never intended to do Nei any harm. As much as she avoided the Numan’s company, that thought had never crossed her mind. She never considered the girl a biomonster, just a human girl with some particular features of her own and even if she considered Nei a biomonster, she would not do her any harm as long as Nei didn’t do her harm as well. It was time to show her how she felt. She could not avoid connecting with the girl anymore. Her behavior was harming people and it was what Anna most wanted to avoid; her strategy had failed completely. She knelt beside the Numan, dropped her slashers carefully on the floor and, much to the purple haired girl's surprise, and enlaced her in a warm embrace. "I don't want to harm you, Nei."

The sweet compassionate tone of the guardian's voice surprised Nei. She had never heard the guardian speaking, except brisk words during the missions or menacing warning mumbles when people from the group tried to cross the line with her. Her voice was surprisingly beautiful and soothing. It was as if the Anna she knew before ceased to exist and the one who was embracing her was a completely different person.

The overflow of emotions didn't let Nei stop crying, but she was not afraid anymore, just confused. Anna started stroking Nei's hair gently, and the feeling was so pleasant that Nei wondered if that woman was really the fierce and impassive woman they all used to know.

"So why do you stare at me like that?" Nei's question came mixed with sobs.

“Oh, Nei…” Anna sighed deeply while changing her position on the floor. She seated with her back leaning to the wall and pulled Nei’s head to her chest, embracing her tightly while gently stroking the Numan’s purple hair. “I don’t make it on purpose. It just reflects my state of mind. I don’t want to let my feelings take control of my mind, like I’m letting right now.”

“Why, Anna?” Nei was sobbing less than before. “Why are you holding back your feelings? You were scaring me before, but now you are not scaring me at all. Everyone is worried about you and I’m sure everybody will prefer you the way you are now.”

These words didn’t surprise Anna. She was aware that people preferred a lovely Anna to a cold Anna. However, being lovely, warm, benevolent, and kindhearted lead her to the biggest tragedies of her live. Only she knew all the agony and pain she had suffered through all those years and how much it still hurt. Only she knew that the origin of all her troubles and traumas was love; the love she felt for her family and friends. The monster she had become had its origins in the hate she felt for the ones who had taken her loved ones from her. She was sure that being lovely would make things easier for her, but it would make her loved again. And it would make her love again. And she feared she would not be able to put an end to that terrible cycle of loving people just to lose them afterwards. “Life has always been unkind to me, Nei. I wish I could forget about my terrible past. It hurts me just to think about it. I don’t want it to happen once more. I must try with all my might and make sure it will never happen again.”

“What happened to you, Anna?” Nei tried to regain control of herself. Being embraced by that woman was a pleasant feeling. She would never guess that, behind the furious stare of the cold woman was a very caring and affectionate girl. But Nei also noticed that Anna didn't react very well to her question. The guardian stopped caressing the Numan's hair for a moment. Nei feared her question would take Anna to her previous state of mind, but her fears were unfounded. After some seconds, the blonde girl resumed caressing her hair.

“Nei, I've never told my story to any of you because I thought I could do away with my past, but looks like I've done more harm than good. I'm not an evil woman, Nei, but...” Anna was trying to hold back her tears. “Almost everyone that I loved was brutally murdered in front of my eyes... mom, dad... my dear brother and sisters... my best friend...” The blonde girl started choking on tears.

“Anna... I've had a terrible life myself. I'm a monster created in a failed experiment. I was set to be destroyed, but a couple of good scientists took pity on me and took me to their home, in order to give me a chance. However, people in general hated me. They considered me an abomination and they wanted me dead, as they wanted all the other biomonsters exterminated. My rescuers would not hand me to be executed, so a furious mob set my house on fire, trying to kill me. Unfortunately, my foster parents died, while I managed to escape. I was homeless and had to live in hiding. Hiding from all the hunters that wanted to murder just another filthy biomonster. It could have been you, Anna. That is why I feared you wished to kill me.” Nei hesitated for some moments. “Forgive me, Anna, for my bad judgment.” Nei wiped out some tears from her eyes. “Then Rolf happened. He protected me from a hunter who was trying to kill me and adopted me as his sister. That is why I'm here. I love him as my own brother... I love you all... I just want to be happy, just like a normal woman.”

“It looks like you have had a past as tragic as mine. But it is not my past that scares me.” Anna broke down in tears. “I don't want to see anybody that I love murdered again... I can't stand it anymore...” Anna had lost the control over her feelings.

Nei was feeling deep empathy for the woman she feared just minutes ago. Both shared the same fate, feelings and fears. She realized that the vicious guardian was just a fragile woman like her, hiding in a shell. Anna even looked younger to her eyes now. Nei, though very immature because of her rushed growing process, wanted to help the poor girl in a situation she had already faced before. “I know Anna. But you cannot hide in your shell forever, trying to not connect with people anymore. I know it is hard, but you must try. You are letting your life slip out of your hands, Anna, living an illusion, which tells you that you can avoid sadness by avoiding human contact. However, what are you if not a sad woman? Now I can understand the fierceness in your stare; it is not anger or bitterness, it is plain sadness. I can feel you are a good and lovely woman deep inside. Why keep torturing yourself, Anna? People want to love you, be part of your happiness.” Nei changed from the person being comforted to the comforting person, though Anna still held her in her arms.

“I know I'm sad. But I prefer to not suffer further. You don't know what I have done in the past. Many atrocities that would make you run away from me and not want to see me in front of you anymore. I've done those things as revenge acts, because they have taken my loved ones from me. I prefer to not let it happen again.” Anna regained control over her feelings, but her face displayed more sadness than before. “I think I should not even deserve a second chance for what I have done in the past. Joining your group was an opportunity to be away from people and things that brought my past back; I could focus in the mission and that was enough to keep me alive. I never wanted to connect with you, make friends; just to forget about my past and find a meaning for my life. Many times I considered putting an end to all this suffering, but the beliefs that lie on the remote recesses of my soul won't let me do it, though they didn't prevent me for doing what I should never have done.”

Nei stared into Anna's blue eyes. “Anna, you are still living on the shade of your past. If you keep avoiding people on the grounds of not repeating the same mistakes of the past, you are making nothing of the opportunity presented to you. I don't know what you have done in the past that is so terrible that you can't even stand thinking about it, but you will not be able to overcome it this way; you are just postponing the problem by not facing it. You will only be sure that you have changed when you face the same situation and don't repeat the same mistakes. There are people from some religious cults who live all their lives in hiding, to evade temptation. They don't do wrong things, but they don't do good things as well. They waste their lives not doing anything useful. Their lives have no valor. The real heroes are those who face all the dangers and the temptations of real life and resist. The ones who face the dangers and come out of the ordeals stronger. The purpose of life is not coming out unscathed; it doesn't matter if you have been broken down to pieces if you did what you had to do, if you lived according to your beliefs, if you have made the most of your life."

Anna had stopped crying. She was still stroking the Numan girl's hair because it made her feel the love she instinctively longed for. The blonde guardian didn't know why, but the Numan triggered her motherly instincts. She pulled Nei's head again towards her chest and kissed the Numan's forehead. “But I`m not like these people you mentioned.”

Nei was puzzled by Anna's reaction, but she didn't want to make Anna feel her displays of affection were unwanted. She knew the tender embrace was much more an indication that Anna longed for being hugged and caressed than that she had suddenly started loving Nei. Besides that, the blonde girl's caresses were something she was not used to receive. In fact, she didn't remember the last time she had received an embrace like that. “I know. I know you are not like those people because you are with us when you could be there, doing nothing, like the lazy people we meet in every large city, but you volunteered to help us. Rolf and I were worried about you. We don't want to see you always alone, hiding in the corners of our home, with that fierce stare in your eyes. Maybe we shouldn't, but we care more about you than we have the right to do. I'm ashamed to admit I was afraid you would do me harm, but I always wanted to help you overcoming your troubles. I'm very sensitive to matters of time because I'm not yet 2-year-old, but I'm already an adult. I'm afraid I will not live past 10, so it annoys me to see you wasting your time evading from your problems. You must really leave the past behind. I know you can do it, Anna, and I want to help you.”

Anna didn't seem to be touched by Nei's words; she was absorbed in her own grief. Though Nei was mostly right on her argument, things are not black or white. There are infinite shades of gray between the two extremities; Anna’s life was painted in an intricate and ugly gray pattern. "Nei, though I appreciate your help, it is not the same thing and you won't understand. It is far different to have faced tragedies, prejudice, and violence and resist bravely, standing for your beliefs, than what I had done. You have never given chase to the ones who had hurt you and chopped them with your slicers, piece by piece, limb by limb, deaf to their cries, moans, and pledges for forgiveness. It is not about being angry at fate, to act like a pampered child demanding something from God because she had been good in the last year, as if God was Santa Claus, and life had a reward system. It is about mercilessly killing people, being unable to feel compassion for the others, going blind when performing abominable acts. I don't know about you, Nei, but I'm very religious, from an ancient Algolian religion which used to be spread all over the star system, whose symbols were bore proudly in their temples even among the Dezorians. Even so, it doesn't make me stop when I'm emotionally disturbed. Haven't you noticed I become sadistic when fighting monsters that had hurt you? Even not being friends with you, just the fact that they are hurting people I care for makes me lose my mind. It is not that I don't care for you; you mistake my feelings. I admire and care for you all, even for Shir, who constantly pester me. I love you all because of what you are trying to do for the whole humankind. It would already be hard to lose any of you in battle, I'd go mad. Imagine if I was friends with you, if I loved you not only for your acts, but also for your personality, what would I do?” Anna paused for a moment, sighed deeply, and resumed her argument. Nei patiently let the guardian to give vent to her feelings. “I thought I was getting better, I was learning. Once I forgave a man I should have arrested because he proved he was doing a misdemeanor for a fair reason; in the past I’d not even let him open his mouth. Once, I forgave a woman that tried to kill me because I realized she was not an evil person. If I could tell you details, you would agree that I’ve made the right decision. However, when it came down to the ones that killed my best friend, I chased them and executed them in a barbaric ritual when it was not needed, just to fulfill my desire of avenging my best friend’s death. For me it was the proof I needed that I’m beyond salvation.”

Anna looked down and the tears filled her eyes once more. Nei’s heart was broken. She didn’t want to see the lovely and kindhearted Anna go. She didn’t want to leave the corridor and, in some minutes, meet the cold and furious Anna restored. However, the blonde guardian rebuffed all her arguments. Her fierce stare was not something that came out instinctively or out of ignorance. It was a deliberate move of an intelligent woman, who had had enough life experiences to determine that was the best option. In addition, the woman knew she couldn’t control herself, so she was sacrificing her happiness by avoiding all the pleasures that would come from solid friendships and romantic relationships for a greater goal. It was an awkward, but beautiful altruistic move. Nevertheless, Nei could not accept that such a lovely woman was doomed to perpetual loneliness. She wanted to try something to help her. If logic arguments were out of question, she would appeal to her emotions.

“Anna.” Nei held the blonde girl's face in her hands. “I don't want to see this lovely Anna gone. Please, promise me you will try.”

The sight of the Numan pleading her to try was enough to melt the guardian's heart. She wanted to resist, but it was impossible. Her heart was crying out loud, demanding her to share her love with the lovely Numan. Even so, she was still in doubt if she should, for the memories of the traumatic experiences of her past came immediately to her mind. “I don't know if I'm able, Nei.”

“Please, try. Do it for me!” Nei was begging Anna to try. “I don't expect you to be lovely all the time, but just try to share your love with us once in a while. It won't hurt you, Anna. It will be good for you. Isn't it good now? I've never been hugged with so much love, Anna. I don’t want this good feeling to fade out to the darkest recesses of my mind, just like an illusion. I want to live it again and I want my friends to share a magic feeling with me as well. Don’t take your love away from us, Anna.”

Anna had to admit it was good and it was the first time she was feeling good since she joined Rolf and his companions. The last time she felt herself loved was by Lizzie, four years ago. Remembering Lizzie was always very painful. She would never forgive herself for being unable to try to prevent her death. Her biggest fear was that Nei would be another Lizzie in her life and she didn't know if she would survive another tragic ordeal. However, even against her will, she couldn't say no to Nei. She would make a sacrifice. A pleasant sacrifice it would be, but a sacrifice anyway. The future had its price and Anna was willing to pay the price. For Nei. It was very cruel to deny her love to someone who was longing so much for it. The best thing she could give for anyone was her love, and it was free. One should never deny his love. Never.

“Alright, Nei... I promise you I'll try.” Anna whispered sweetly.

The Numan girl smiled broadly. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yes.”

“Won't you let me see you smile, Anna? Please, let me see you smile. I've never seen it.” Nei was staring deeply into the guardian's blue eyes, whose traces of fierceness and sadness were replaced by sheer kindness and love. Shyly, the blonde girl blushed. At the girl’s insistence, she forced a shy smile, but it was not enough to make Nei satisfied. “Come on, Anna, I want to see a real smile.”

Anna blushed even further, but this time she smiled a true smile. She had reasons to smile, to be happy. Nei was a special girl, someone who had become an adult in two years. Nei’s traces of childish behavior and feelings coupled with her more mature reasoning and views of life made her unique. Because she was also good-hearted, that mixture made the Numan impossible to resist; Anna couldn’t help loving her. Anna wished Nei were her younger sister and nothing prevented her from treating Nei as a sister.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the touch of a pair of lips to her cheeks. Nei was kissing her. It felt so good to be kissed after all those years. It made Anna feel alive again, made her feel like a human, not a monster. Maybe there was still hope for her, and the solution would come through love. Nei returned to the warmth of the guardian’s embrace.

“Anna, your smile is so beautiful. You should smile more often. If you were already stunningly pretty with that fierce stare, imagine how you look when you smile! If Rolf sees you smiling like that, he will immediately fall for you.” The Numan laughed. “And I will love having you as my sister-in-law because you would be like my own sister. Moreover, better a guardian than a thief.”

Nei had her faced buried in Anna’s soft chest and could not see how red the guardian cheeks were. Though the feeling was pleasant, Anna was growing less and less comfortable each minute; it was too much for someone who was trying to avoid any kind of connection to become the perfect sister and the perfect wife for Nei and Rolf in just five minutes. Anna tried to free herself from the purple haired girl’s tight grab and resume what she was doing before.

“I think I should go now…”

“Please, Anna, stay!” Nei interrupted her. “Stay a bit more. Just a bit more. We are alone here; there is nothing we must do now that we can’t do later. Let me taste a bit more of you love, Anna.”
Anna could not resist the Numan’s appeal and stayed embraced with the Numan, caressing her hair, face, and back. The guardian caressed the Nei’s pointy ears to make the girl rest assured she had nothing against her being a biomonster. She wanted to make Nei aware that her non-human features were worthy of being caressed, worthy of love the same way as her human features.

What Anna didn’t know was that Nei was holding her there as a deliberate plan. Through her sharp senses, the Numan girl sensed that Rolf was arriving home, alone. He wanted to surprise her brother with Anna’s rare display of affection to make him sure Anna didn’t want to harm her and to make him aware of Anna’s loveliness. She knew Anna would not enjoy being caught in her emotional moment, but Anna didn’t have to know it had not been a coincidence.

Rolf returned from the Control Tower satisfied with his research, his mind filled with ideas for the impending Climatrol assault. He was a bit uneasy because Shir soon grew bored and left to ‘pay a visit to the shops’, and Rolf knew exactly what it meant. With his mind lost in his thoughts, he arrived home. As soon as he opened the door, he immediately figured out something was wrong. He was used to have Nei waiting for him by the door, for he knew she could hear him coming since he was several hundred yards from his home. The fact she was not there waiting for him meant that she was busy, or most probably out, but it would be a first for her to go out without him.

As he entered the living room and closed the door, he noticed there were no sign of people inside the house. There was always a possibility that all the other people had left to attend their own business while he was out. He knew that Rudo, Amy, Hugh and Kain had their own interests, so it was expected that they used their day off to take care of their own things. But not Anna. Nei could have followed someone else outside and Anna, even if she was in, her presence would not be noticed, as she probably was locked in her room. But as the things are on situations like that, the worst case scenario immediately flashed in the agent’s mind: that Anna and Nei had stayed alone. And that silence meant Nei was right over her suspicions.

Rolf became desperate. He had to confirm his suspicions were wrong, so he started searching for Nei or Anna. His search, though, didn’t last long. As soon as he opened the door that lead him to the corridor, he was surprised by the sight of Anna seated on the floor, with his sister on her arms, staring at the Numan with love in her eyes, smiling. His sudden entrance startled Anna, who immediately replaced the smile on her face for a cold expression, though Rolf noticed she was blushing. Nei was not surprised because she knew exactly when Rolf was opening the door. She just turned her face to her brother, smiling.

As his mind digested the surprising view, Rolf noticed that the eyes of both girls looked like the eyes of someone who had cried not long ago. The agent was feeling confused by the unexpected situation.

“Huh? Is everything all right, Nei?”

“Yes.” Nei answered with a sweet and reassuring voice.

“Well..” Rolf’s brisk movements betrayed all his embarrassment. “I remembered I forgot something in the living room.” The blue haired agent turned back and left the corridor, closing the door behind him. He was completely confused about the meaning of what he had just seen. Nei and Anna embraced, seeming to enjoy it. He could not help thinking about some recent dreams he has had with Nei that made him feel disgusted at himself, and some fantasies he had with Anna that didn’t make him feel ashamed; after all she was gorgeous, and apparently single. He was single too, and just a young man. He was free to feel whatever he liked for his beauty queen companion. In addition, when he saw that mysterious woman being kind to his beloved sister, he started considering the blonde guardian under a different light; he desired her not only with his instincts, but also with his heart.

Anna felt so ashamed for have been caught by Rolf in a fragile moment. She didn’t regret showing her lovely side to Nei, but she didn’t want to completely change her ways immediately. She wanted to do it with caution because she knew it could be a short way up, but a long way down, and her soul would end crushed, in shambles. She didn’t forget the reason why she wanted to avoid connection and, although she surrendered to the charming Numan’s appeals, she still considered her previous decision the best alternative for she hopeless situation, but now there was no turning back; she was loving Nei. Yet, she didn’t want to spread her wings so fast.

Anna tried to leave Nei, but the Numan made her stay for just a little more. The purple haired girl was rejoicing with not only Anna’s display of affection and their brand new friendship, pure like a newborn child, but also for making Rolf aware of the lovely Anna. By the look in her brother’s face, her plan had worked perfectly. She had strong suspicions that something very bad would happen soon. Nei knew that, despite of Anna’s fears that the she would need someone to help and protect her to prevent her from running amok or committing suicide if Nei died tragically, the Numan was far more worried that her brother would need someone to help him and protect him in case her suspicions were confirmed. And, judging by what she had just discovered, she was sure Anna was the perfect person to stay by Rolf’s side, to give him all the support, protection and love he would need. Then, she could fulfill her destiny in peace.