Well, I read this a few days ago but am only commenting on it now. I must suck in your eyes...I jest. So, let's hear my comments with regards to your "Counter-Corg" story (I also jest). To be honest, I'll avoid any comparisons with my stories and focus on your interpretation of it all.
I should start off by being honest and saying that I'm not a huge fan of your Mieu interpretation. I understand that you're not sticking to any possible "canonical" interpretation of her, but a cold cyborg/android and the fact that her greeting to "the stranger" is practically a death threat simply didn't sit well with me. She may warm up to him in later chapters, but I didn't care for the first impression.
You had some good descriptive writing in your fight scene. Very detailed and easy to picture what's happening.
Your interpretation of Gwyn seems interesting. I think some of the circumstances leading to her being the dark, sullen person she seems to be seem a bit contrived, but I can't judge her character in full until she shows up in later chapters.
Which leads me to the writing itself. In absolute terms, it's fine. There's one chapter where "murderer" is spelled "murdered," but I'm not really criticizing it because I make enough little mistakes of my own. I think "the stranger's" dialogue needs to be less stilted. It's often a bit top-heavy for a person from (presumably) our world to talk that way. I can understand Gwyn and Adan talking like that (par for the course for characters in a pseudo-Medieval/Sci-Fi setting), but the character from Earth should be a slight bit more organic. I think some of the writing is a bit too flowery, especially in chapter 3 (the first two chapters and the subsequent ones fare better in comparison).