Phantasy Star: Fringes of Algo

Hello,

You may use this topic to share your thoughts regarding After 'Happily Ever After' by augmentedfourth. When reviewing, try to go into detail about what you enjoy or feel could be improved in After 'Happily Ever After'. Both praise and constructive criticism intended to help augmentedfourth in future endeavors are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive comments.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of After 'Happily Ever After'. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Fringes of Algo Staff

I'm currently halfway through this one, and I wanted to dump my thoughts before I forget them during lunch.

First, 1 error detected:
"He for a few more hours as we eagerly continued...." Missing a verb.

Now, for my impressions. Romance is not my genre of choice, and I definitely don't have any experience in the field. That said, it's an interesting story so far. I can imagine a young woman who's had to spend so much of her life dedicated to others could feel something missing within herself. You also capture her as a bit of a tomboy still, and she does have a sense of adventure that keeps her from kicking back in the fancy throne she doesn't care for.

EDIT: Updating in response to the completion of the story. I did not find any more errors in the second half. My previous statements also continue to hold true, with one small addition. Alis' initial reluctance to bear her scars, and Nekise's choice to accept her as is is the most emotional part for me, as it's the defining point between lust and love.

I read this story today, from start to finish. I would've had a review prepared earlier, but sometimes I man has to do some work.

I really liked the story. It was a very "smooshy" story to be sure, but it hit all of the right spots. Alis is portrayed at first as being a bit melancholy, but not to the point of being "emo" (as the new cliché puts it). The development of her relationship with Nekise came across as being both gradual and organic, with the transition from one demonstration of affection (i.e. a simple visit) to the next level (i.e. holding hands, a kiss, etc.) demonstrating the development nicely.

AugmentedFourth, you really have a way of writing physical affection. It's quite nice. Even something like Nekise looking at her naked, scarred body becomes quite compelling. We at the Fringes joke about you and lemons, but the truth is, when you write about displays of physical love (from the most basic to the more intimate variety), you do it with pananche!

And you have to love a story that ends with a wedding with characters from the game present. I know I do.