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 Post subject: Reviews of Neifirst
PostPosted: Fri Mar 4, '11, 3:22 pm 
Hello,

This topic is for reviews of Neifirst by carlsojos. You may use this topic to let carlsojos know what you think of this work. When commenting, try to go into detail about what you enjoyed or thought could be improved. Both praise and constructive criticism are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive criticisms.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Neifirst. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Thoul


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Neifirst
PostPosted: Wed Mar 9, '11, 2:08 am 
Nice story. Poor Neifirst, one can see why she would be so upset with all mankind.
Though I donĀ“t like the idea of Numans being made as a project, as it is stated in the game that they were a failed experiment with human and animal cells, (and I loathe the excuse for throwing Rika on PSIV) the story is well-developed anyway.


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Neifirst
PostPosted: Wed Mar 9, '11, 2:23 am 
tilinelson2 wrote:...as it is stated in the game that they were a failed experiment with human and animal cells....

I've yet to play PSII, and out of my desire for an interesting twist, decided to make Neifirst the reason of the accident, rather than the result. I just did my interpretive dance on what little of the script I've read to make this one; I toyed with the possibility of canon actually being disinformation during the planning phase, but most of the results haven't come to fruition yet. Maybe later, when I reach the projected point where this story starts to splinter. I'm looking forward to that.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, '11, 10:31 am 
Interesting take on how the girls got separated. Nicely written.

It is curious to see Neifirst feeling compassion towards her sister, though, as her main goal in PSII was exactly to kill her sister; she refuses to fight you if Nei is already dead. I wonder what may have happened to them meanwhile...


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, '11, 3:11 pm 
tilinelson2 wrote:It is curious to see Neifirst feeling compassion towards her sister, though....

I'm not sure whether that was a purely compassionate move- I'm pretty sure a random house would've been a better choice than the mansion of the person she just tried to murder. That scientist is gonna be a bit neurotic about Numans hiding under the bed for a while, and I'm sure Neifirst would realize that.


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Neifirst
PostPosted: Mon Mar 14, '11, 10:54 pm 
Good story. It's hard to believe that some people can be so cruel, especially as the professor was to Neifirst.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, '11, 4:23 am 
Good story, although as pointed out in the post above, you have to wonder why she would take her sister/the baby and leave it at the doorstep of the person she just tried to kill and probably didn't trust at all. Logic makes one think that might be the last place she would turn to, but who knows.

Also, never hide under the bed if possible...that's one of the first places anyone might look, lol.

Enjoyable story with some action and suspense that keeps you wondering what will happen next.


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Neifirst
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, '11, 11:23 am 
The use of the present tense in your writing is similar to some Brazilian literature which I've read before. It's different, I'll give you that. In any case, it was an entertaining story you wrote and turns Neifirst into as much of a tragic character as Nei was.


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