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PostPosted: Sat Feb 26, '11, 8:05 pm 
Hello,

This topic is for reviews of A Very Long Night by doncair99. You may use this topic to let doncair99 know what you think of this work. When commenting, try to go into detail about what you enjoyed or thought could be improved. Both praise and constructive criticism are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive criticisms.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of A Very Long Night. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Thoul


Last edited by Thoul on Sat Mar 26, '11, 1:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 26, '11, 9:56 pm 
Terrific story, doncair99! :clap:

Very realistic with the Innkeeper counting the minutes going by on the clock at work. Been there, done that, myself a few times. :yes:

Looking forward to reading more writings from you in the future. :)


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, '11, 2:47 am 
Excellent story, quite funny actually. I could only imagine how frustrating it must be to struggle through a boring day of work only to get landed with several crazy troublemakers before the shift is over. I look forward to reading more of your work.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, '11, 9:43 pm 
Nice story, very interesting. I like this style of mixing characters thoughts with narration.

The group seems to be an interesting bunch. I expect to read more about them in the future. Keep on writing!


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 6, '11, 1:24 am 
Thank you very much! I plan on writing more in the future! :wink:


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, '11, 8:00 pm 
This is an excellent narrative! I can really relate to the poor innkeeper constantly checking the clock. I kind of wish she had a name for ease of reference here, but I can see the poetry in calling her only "innkeeper." I've never considered how difficult a time some RPG innkeepers must have. Dealing with a rowdy bunch of adventurers like this must be really trying to some of them. :lol:

On the technical side of your writing, there's a couple of things that stood out to me while reading. These aren't big deals - I've seen stories with far more technical problems than this. I was slightly distracted from the story by these issues though, so I wanted to mention them to help you improve in future writings. Just consider it a little proof reading. ;) First is inconsistent spacing following your punctuation. Sometimes use you a space after a comma and sometimes you omit that space. Second is one typo in your description of the Motabian: "...fluffy blue fur(of feathers;..." That would work better as "or feathers."


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 26, '11, 1:08 am 
Thanks, Thoul!
Constructive criticism is definitely what I need! :)
And thanks for pointing out my inconsistencies-- I didn't notice them.


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