Phantasy Star: Fringes of Algo

Alternate universt episodes are silly. And by silly i mean, I always skip them, especially in DS9. Evil Kyra and explosing Odo? Lame.

So yeah, I am happy to say that apparently, there are quite a few TNG episodes I had never seen, a lot more than I thought. I just watched the one with all the blonde, curly haired people running around the grass, frolicking and trying to murder Wesley Crusher.

The 80s were awesome but man, some scriptwriters were still under the drugs they took in the 70s.

Aeroprism wrote:So yeah, I am happy to say that apparently, there are quite a few TNG episodes I had never seen, a lot more than I thought. I just watched the one with all the blonde, curly haired people running around the grass, frolicking and trying to murder Wesley Crusher.

The 80s were awesome but man, some scriptwriters were still under the drugs they took in the 70s.

Yeah, this is why you don't watch first-season TNG. that was the season where Gene had full creative control and no one could say no.

However, Wil Wheaton did a review of that episode here. If it helps.

Dude, that was extremely an enjoyable read, thank you!

I think I will be reading quite a few of those now!

As for TNG, I have seen MOST of the episodes (at least, I think so) many years ago but this here is my attempt to show the whole 7 seasons to my wife who really loved DS9, which is also my favorite Star Trek series. After that, I need to get my hands on Voyager, I don't think I've seen much beyond its first season.

Aeroprism wrote:Dude, that was extremely an enjoyable read, thank you!

I think I will be reading quite a few of those now!

Tragically, there was a bit of a pay dispute between WilW and AOLTV/whoever was paying him originally, so... yeah. All we get is reviews of like half of Season One. (Which is a shame, because I kinda wanted his take on episodes like Cause and Effect, Clues, Conundrum, The Inner Light, The Wounded, Sins of the Father, Unification, The Drumhead, and All Good Things. (Y'know. The greats.)

As for TNG, I have seen MOST of the episodes (at least, I think so) many years ago but this here is my attempt to show the whole 7 seasons to my wife who really loved DS9, which is also my favorite Star Trek series. After that, I need to get my hands on Voyager, I don't think I've seen much beyond its first season.

You do not need to see Voyager. Seeing the first season is seeing too much. Seeing the remaining six seasons will make you boggle at the terrible writing, terrible acting from two actors whose names I won't mention here, the character assassination of Captain Kathryn Janeway, the horrifying experience of unendurable length that is Threshold, but most of all, all the wasted potential.

(In all seriousness, The Doctor* is probably the best character on the show, and episodes like Bride of Chaotica!, Living Witness, Equinox, Prometheus, and Year of Hell are actually really good. Just... look, binge-watch Voyager and then binge-watch Enterprise. I like Enterprise much better than Voyager, even if Enterprise plays fast and loose with the continuity, they had to fight the executives just to get the NX-class on-screen, wasn't actually called "Star Trek" on screen until about halfway through its run, Season One and Two had some extreme clunkers including not revealing just who the hell its villain actually was, some teases from the creators about what they would have put in Season Five and beyond had the show not been cancelled, and the series finale happened to be...

...well, saying much about These Are the Voyages would be telling. =p)

*No, not Doctor Who, as played by "approximately twelve people." The Doctor, as played by Robert Picardo.

It's been a while since I did a long winded, truly pointless ranting post. I think it's time for one.
Therefore I dedicate this one to my friend Snorb. Not only will he be able to fully appreciate and empathize with this, I want this post to be an homage to the master who never ceases to amuse me with his credit card stories and game reviews.

Spanning over 30 seasons and a truckload of movies, Star Trek is something everyone has at least heard of. It's always the same recipe: the bold captain, the quirky engineer, the faithful second in command etc, etc… Sometimes the captain is less bold and more reasonable (Picard), sometimes the second in command is harder to tame (Kyra), sometimes, the engineer is more serious (Miles). But with Star Trek, you can ALWAYS be sure of one thing: the doctor will be AWESOME.

The Original Series had Leonard "Bones" McCoy, he is the man who set the pace and gave the tone. The man is out to heal people and chew Vulcan T'Val bubblegum. And you know what? Vulcans don't even like bubblegum. Everything McCoy does is awesome, even down to his "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a carpenter/taxidermist/illusionist routine". Even in the stupid, stupid reboot, they cast Karl Urban to play McCoy. To understand what I'm saying, here is an exhaustive list of all the things Karl Urban can improve just by adding his presence: Everything. McCoy is THAT awesome.

The Next Generation had Beverly Crusher. Doctor Crusher is the reason I picked up TNG as a teenager. (Spoilers: she is HOT). Beverly Crusher has a good back story, she is smart, dedicated and skilled but among all the Star Trek docs, she is easily the most humane. Her only single flaw is her son Wesley but that's hardly her fault. Captain Peckard has to struggle for seven whole seasons not to fall for her because BEVERLY CRUSHER. She can (and repeatedly does) bring people back from the dead because BEVERLY CRUSHER. I think I made my point.

Deep Space Nine had Doctor Julian Bashir, a genetically re-engineered human, smarter than you, faster than you, stronger then you. His personality is awesome and his accent is so hot that it can melt polar ice and boil it just by saying "tricorder". His attempts at seducing every woman he passes are endearing and it makes you wonder what the heck is wrong with the females of Star Trek because, let's all admit it, Julian is also hot. Julian found cures for diseases that had no names yet. He was recruited as a covert agent by Star Fleet's Section 31 because they couldn't do zilch without his awesomeness along. Bashir = awesome.

Voyager had "The doctor", played by the infinitely awesome Robert Picardo. Now, I haven't watched VOY entirely, not by a long shot but heck, the doctor was easily the most interesting character in that series. The dude isn't even real; he's a HOLOGRAM with more personality than most and as much sarcasm as McCoy. (Maybe more). I don't have THAT many arguments for him but heck, he never disappointed, not even in his First Contact cameo.

So there. Star Trek doctors = good. So this finally brings me to this rant.

During TNG's voyage, beautiful doctor Beverly Crusher took a season off and was replaced by FRIGGIN DOCTOR PULASKI, a cross-breed between your grandma and the teacher that really annoyed you. Heck, in her VERY FIRST SCENE, all she does is flip Picard off. Bravo. She is annoying, unlikeable and untalented. Allow me to demonstrate.

In TNG's second season first episode, Deanna Troi is impregnated by an energy life form and 48 hours later, gives birth to a baby boy that reaches the human age of 8 after his first day. Why? Because Star Trek. Near the end of the episode, the alien/energy/kid realizes that his presence threatens the ship because he emits annoyum-ray vibrations that allow the rapid growth of a really-super-deadly virus currently being transported on the Enterprise for research. Being the nice, benevolent alien life form that he is, he looks at Troi and goes "Yo mom, I don't want to be dangerous to you and your posse so, laterz."
And then he auto-dies. Just like that.
HOWEVER
Doctor Pulsaki happens to be there so, no biggie, right? Here is what would have happened if that was Beverly Crusher in Deanna Troi's quarters:

"Crusher to transporter room, three to beam directly to sick bay. Prepare a level five containment field!"
[teleports]
"Nurse, 30 CCs of trimatein, prepare to stimulate his cerebro-cortex with yellow lights, use blue lights if necessary. I'm NOT losing him! [Add some more techno-medicine] There, his vital signs have stabilized and I just found a way to contain the radiation he emits so he will no longer be a danger to the ship. Also, I have stabilized his growth rate so you won't be stuck with a creepy teenager when you wake up tomorrow morning. You're welcome."

Why ? Because BEVERLY GOD[censored] CRUSHER.

Here is what actually happened.

Deanna: "Doctor! Please save my son!"
Pulaski: "Hold on Dee." /hypospray. /uses lights around the kid's face.
Pulaski: "Aww Dee, your son, he dead."
Deanna: "But doctor! This is Star Trek! Can't you do something!"
Pulaski: /hypospray again. /use more lights around the kid's face.
Pulaski: "Dee, I tell you he dead!"

The end.

No one liked Pulaski.

Absolutely agreed that Crusher was absolutely hot as hell, though Troi was pretty damn good-looking, especially when Captain Jellico finally made her put on a damn uniform. (Turns out she's a blueshirt!)

Also, you left Doctor Phlox from Star Trek: Enterprise out of your listing of Star Trek doctors, Aero! But to be fair, what exactly is Phlox notable for besides "is resistant to Borg assimilation nanites?" Which you'd think someone in Starfleet would have called out in the TNG era, but then again the Borg probably would have adapted around them in the 200 years between ENT and TNG. [Also, it's because the Borg were created in 1988 and the Denobulans were created in 2001, long after TNG said its final goodbyes. Then again, Remans were created in 2002 and debuted in Nemesis, where Picard was all "Remans? Never heard of them," while Archer 200 years earlier was like "Oh, the Remans. God, those guys are creeps."]

Anyway, there is a whole series of novels that continue onward from the four modern Star Trek series, and, uh.... they're not very good.

Like, at all.

A Partial List of the Atrocities Committed By The Star Trek Relaunch Novel Series

• The Borg are back, and their creed is "You will be annihilated" instead of "You will be assimilated." The reason for the Borg's sudden change of plans is (no answer given)
  
• Admirals Nechayev and Jellico (!) spend some of Star Trek: Destiny having an actual running commentary on Pluto's status as a planet or dwarf planet. (ACTUAL DIALOGUE FROM STAR TREK: DESTINY: "Not again," Jellico moaned. "This makes, what, the tenth time in the last three centuries? Can't they make up their damned minds?"
  
• This whole argument is rendered moot when the Borg come to our solar system and EAT PLUTO. Seriously. This actually happened.
  
• The Gorn, the Tholians, and four other races whom I'm too lazy to look up form the Typhon Pact, which is more or less described by the member species of the Typhon Pact as "The Federation, but evil!"
  
• Bashir and Ezri from DS9, who officially became a couple in DS9's series finale after seven years, one Klingon marriage, the small matter of getting murdered, and having all your memories and experiences transplanted into an extremely cute lieutenant junior-grade, break up because Ezri calls out the wrong name in bed, followed by Ezri angsting about it. (To be fair? Ezri's species has a lot of societal mores and taboos about romances between hosts that can basically be summed up as "your relationship ends when the current host dies." The Trill are weird, okay?)
  
• DS9 gets blown up. That's right, Deep Space Nine, the same station that defended itself spectacularly with 5000 photon torpedoes and integrated phaser banks on every level in one hell of a space battle in "The Way of the Warrior" gets blown to atoms in one of the books. The Federation rebuild it, so imagine the iconic Deep Space Nine space station except with the same lines and angles as Federation starships. I'm sure there's a picture online.
  
• The commander of DS9 in the relaunch novels is Ro Laren. As in, "Ensign Ro who betrayed Picard to join a bunch of terrorists." Starfleet is perfectly fine with this because _______
  
• JANEWAY DIES. She gets better. The events of Captain Kathryn Janeway's death and rebirth are equally stupid.
  
• q DIES. That's Q's son, in case you're wondering.
  
• The Borg adapt time/space warping from the Q. Do I have to tell you how stupid this is?
  
• So after seven absolutely hellish years of trying to get across uncharted space and back to Earth, Voyager finally makes it home in the series finale. Starfleet's first mission for them upon their return? "You're going back to the Delta Quadrant!" Everybody on Voyager is absolutely fine with this.
  
• The crew of the NX-class Enterprise goes on more awesome adventures. I'm counting this as an atrocity because Enterprise was canceled before its time after four seasons, and I read what they wanted to do had there been a fifth and sixth season. I weep for this, and I wish I lived in an alternate universe where Star Trek: Enterprise - The Complete Seventh and Final Season has a place on my DVD shelf next to Star Trek: Enterprise - The Movie. (Though I blame Nemesis's complete and utter failure on quantum torpedoing any chance of an Enterprise movie, so the only alternate universe we're getting out of this involves LENS FLAREEEEEEEE Trek.)

I enjoyed this post, entirely. I am sad that it's over but I can read again.

I have never watched Enterprise, hence my lack of comments about its doctor. What you said however about the Borg and Remans prove that:

1- Time travel is where all good fiction goes to die.
2- There should be en entrance exam to be a professional writer and it should go beyond "I play golf with the producer".

About the novels... wow. I have a few at home but fortunately, none of those you mention. I have this crazy Star Trek/X-Men mash up universe that was a guilty pleasure to read and among others, I have IQ and Q's trilogy which were awesome.

Ezri Dax, cute? Meh. She was annoying, annoying, annoying. Trading Jadzia for her was a bad, bad move. Note that I love, love, love repeating words in a sentence.

The Borg were awesome in TNG. the Borg queen was a stupid idea. The Borg lost their teeth in Voyager and from what you tell me, attempts to turn them into Deux Ex Machinae are dumb.

Ro Laren, commander of DS9?? Biscuits.

Plus, Pulaski doesn't generally consider Data a parson. there's a reason that Sfdebris calls her "the gorgon."

Spreaking of which, you should probably also check out sfdebris's Star Trek reviews on his site.

Season 2 finished. Just watched the single most lame, boring and annoying TNG episode ever. I was under the impression that season finales were made to compel fans to keep watching when the next season comes but I'm ready to bet that "Shades of Grey" cost Star Trek a loooot of fans.

It's one of those "flashback" episodes that I can't stomach. Out of the 46 minutes, perhaps 12 of those were new content, and by new content I mean Riker twitching in a coma, Picard worrying and Troi crying while DOCTORRR PULSAAAAKI theorized on how to repel a nerve virus with unhappy emotions.

The rest was Riker-centric flashbacks of season 1 and 2, including Ferengi being morons and half naked people of the first season.

Lame.

Lame lame lame.

I hate flashback episodes. Stargate SG-1 was full of those. Thankfully, Babylon 5 (my favorite sci-fi show) was relatively free of those.

So what was worse, the only clip show in Star Trek's history, or the episode from Season One that's a very racist pastiche of 19th century Africa ("Code of Honor," the episode that Jonathan Frakes said was "such a racist piece of (crap) that even Gene [Roddenberry] would've been embarrassed by it?")

Because both of those episodes are absolutely terrible.

However, the whole Klingon Empire mini-arcs ("Heart of Glory," "Sins of the Father," "The Emissary," "Reunion," "Redemption, Parts I and II," "Firstborn," "Birthright, Parts I and II," "Rightful Heir," and the Worf-centric "Parallels") more than make up for those two episodes' suckitude.

Interesting fact: Ro Laren is told in her introductory episode that her Bajoran faith earring is against Starfleet uniform code and Riker makes her remove it. Worf is allowed to wear the House of Mogh's baldric with his uniform. Presumably Riker told him to remove it once (once), and Worf "convinced" Riker that it would be a bad idea. (There's a lot of implication that Starfleet can make cultural exceptions to the uniform code; Worf wears his baldric with his uniform, Ro wears her Bajoran earring as does Kira when she's given a Starfleet commission, turns out she's Commander Kira Nerys according to Starfleet!, and Nog has his Ferengi headdress with his uniform. I guess Riker was just being a jerk.)