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 Post subject: Reviews of Wingspan
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, '11, 3:43 pm 
Hello,

You may use this topic to share your thoughts regarding Wingspan by augmentedfourth. When reviewing, try to go into detail about what you enjoy or feel could be improved in Wingspan. Both praise and constructive criticism intended to help augmentedfourth in future endeavors are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive comments.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Wingspan. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Fringes of Algo Staff


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Wingspan
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, '11, 5:31 pm 
One of the best stories I have read. Awesome!!!! This story has just about everything in it..magic, romance, action, mystery, and dragons!!! Yay!! Excellent!! :clap:

There may be one small proofreading item found in the sentence: (“It's a slicer, laced with Layan magic. Throw it at anything that tries to harm you and it will always return its master's hand.”). Sounds like it should be "return to it's master's hand.

Any chance there might be more of this story later on? I certainly hope so. :yes:


Last edited by Silver_Surfer1 on Sat Apr 16, '11, 5:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Wingspan
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, '11, 5:40 pm 
Fixed, thank you!

I currently don't have plans for a sequel, but that can always change. :D


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Wingspan
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, '11, 9:24 pm 
Nice story. We are always curious to learn what happened to Cille and Shusoran in case Rhys make the biggest mistake in his life and choose Lena over Maia :p

Poor Maia... There is no Tili to make her happy in your story :p It is so sad to think of her as a lonely woman because, everytime people portray her, people portray her as a good woman.

Interesting concept to have Thea turning into a dragon. Very predictable that she would blame her father for Maia's sadness, as women always group together to blame poor men :p. Anyway, I quite liked your story and I wonder what would happen as soon as Thea met Maia, if Maia was still alive. What would she say? Would Maia already know?


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Wingspan
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, '11, 9:38 pm 
This has been a very interesting read.

It didn't quite flow as well as your larger stories but it did have a unique quality that I appreciated.

There was a lot of attention given to the setting and the details, this is appreciable. In a way, you described a scene that somewhat exists in Ayn's quest yet, you made it your own. I found this very worthy of praise.

It made sense to make Thea a dragon knight and the way you describes the transformation was very palpable, very real.

But since all can't be golden and shiny, I do have one minor gripe. I know Thea is adolescent, but I feel that the tantrum she pulled as her father admitted to be Maia's abductor was perhaps unnecessary. The girl is tired, starved and at the end of her rope, I can't think of a reason why she would choose to argue over something so out of place at that particular moment.

But hey, teenage girls, you know. ;-)

Well played Jenny. You rock my world, as always.


Edit: typos.


Last edited by Aeroprism on Sat Apr 16, '11, 9:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Wingspan
PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, '11, 1:38 am 
I found the story to be quite enjoyable. Sometimes I wonder if Rhys can catch a break, in some stories he married Maia because he's nothing but a hormone-driven teenager, in others he marries Lena because he's prejudiced. Oh well.

That said, I liked the daddy-daughter interactions between Lyle and Thea. I can understand her getting upset with Lyle upon discovering the truth about Maia's foiled wedding, although her reluctance to let her dad take her out of the cell was a bit odd.

A nice story overall, though.


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