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 Post subject: Reviews of The stranger
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, '11, 3:47 am 
Hello,

You may use this topic to share your thoughts regarding The stranger by Aeroprism. When reviewing, try to go into detail about what you enjoy or feel could be improved in The stranger. Both praise and constructive criticism intended to help Aeroprism in future endeavors are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive comments.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of The stranger. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Fringes of Algo Staff


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, '11, 3:49 am 
Thank you mister bot.

This is to be a multi-chapter PSIII fic. I thrive to keep it as the first person narrative.

Also, the title may change if I find one less... bland.


Feel free to comment.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, '11, 10:31 am 
A very good beginning to the story. The first person narrative is also interesting. The title is short, but to the point and gives a somewhat intriguing theme also. Looking forward to seeing where this story goes.

He certainly has found himself in a predicament of sorts. And he seems to be a trusting sort, especially eating the meat that he doesn't really know what it is :yikes:, although I guess if you're hungry, you might eat first and ask questions later maybe, lol.

Some proofreading might be called for. I only saw one small item where that might possibly be needed in the sentence "Apparently, by hair was of a bright orange with copper reflection." It sounds like "by" should possibly be "my"??


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, '11, 1:33 pm 
Hey, thank you for the typo, a second set of eyes is always appreciated!

I hate the title, and I love it. I don't know what I'll do with it, or with me. =)

As for the meat, the man is in an inn, the meat is probably good, poisoning customers isn't very good for business! :)

The second part will be in today, I have my head swarming with ideas and I need to put them on e-paper now!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, '11, 7:52 am 
Aye, a place of business would probably be very careful about what food they serve, etc, atleast one would hope so. :wink: The idea of poisioning didn't occur to me when reading the story, but rather the idea of not knowing what "type" of meat he was eating, and various thoughts arising along those lines. :yikes: Nuff said there though.

Finished reading the 2nd chapter. Another good read and entertaining chapter. I like the action in this one. Nice to know he can take care of himself in a fight if the situation arises.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, '11, 11:56 pm 
Part three posted, part 4 already under way.

I have not been this inspired in a very, very long time.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, '11, 4:46 am 
Just read Part 3 and Part 4. Interesting scenes. I really like the words used to describe her voice, I think it was. :) Also, his refusal to call the other guy "Lord", and why he felt that way.

Looking forward to reading the next chapter. :yes:


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, '11, 3:41 am 
Chap 5 is up! Enjoy!!


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, '11, 9:57 am 
Your prose continue to be something almost, hm, poetic? Is that the word I'm looking for? They're really lovely and I enjoy reading your writing style. I've read through chapter 5, for reference in this particular post.

Moment of honesty: I'm dubious as to why Adan would reveal so much about his sister to the stranger, since he's so protective of her. Then again, he ended with a warning and an "I'm on to you, Mister," so perhaps not as dubious as I'm thinking it is.

Interesting Gwyn origins. Sounds like she's been kicked around for a lot of superstitious reasons, and that's unfortunate (not for your story, for Gwyn and for their society in general). In a way she sounds almost like a Messiah (or anti-Messiah?) type, the way she can impress and top the temple Elders.

You're playing up everyone's suspicions of each other rather well, so keep it up! Looking forward to more.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, '11, 3:50 pm 
Thank you, your review is appreciated.

For the concern you have: Gwyn's origins are public knowledge. Adan's thought process was: "Someone will eventually tell him, might as well be me, this way, he'll get the REAL story and not some twisted half-truths, half-superstitions"

Thank you again, your kind words are really appreciated. Chapter 6 is on its way.


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