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PostPosted: Wed Jul 14, '10, 6:26 pm 
**** Spoilers ****

I read all eight chapters just now. Heh. I like the story, and I almost breathed an audible sigh of relief when I saw that Mieu wasn't dead. I'm glad that we have Sari, Mars, and Ayn on the same team by the end of what you've written so far (though the twist with regards to Ayn's father is a bit odd and makes this the second such fanfic that implies that Rhys was not the type who'd wait for marriage).

Two criticisms I'd like to express.

1) Format: Putting dialogue from multiple characters in a single paragraph is rather confusing and makes the story a bit hard to follow.

2) The scope of the story itself is a bit epic to be handled in what would be 20-30 pages on a Word document. It really lends itself to a good fleshing out. This is especially important when dealing with important events like the fate of both Wren and Leon.

Does the story end on a cliffhanger, or are you going to write more?

PostPosted: Sun Aug 15, '10, 10:45 pm 
I'd like to thank you for writing Chapter 9. It does seem a bit hurried for the epic-scale conflict going on, but at least I have a greater sense of closure to the story now. Is there any more to write for this particular fan fiction?

PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, '10, 5:02 am 
I actually have a few more chapters planned out in the future. I haven't written fanfiction in awhile so it is a bit choppy I'll admit but in the future I plan on improving the story itself.

PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, '10, 1:42 pm 
You got my support. I would some high-quality Mars phan-art while you're at it. :)

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