Phantasy Star: Fringes of Algo

by **Review Type S-2** » Tue Mar 9, '10, 7:50 pm

Hello,

This topic is for reviews of The Missing Piece, the fan fiction by tilinelson2. You may use this topic to let tilinelson2 know what you think of this story. When commenting on the story, try to go into detail about what you enjoyed or thought could be improved. Both praise and constructive criticism are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive criticisms.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of The Missing Piece. If you would like to discuss another story, please do so in that story's review thread.

Thanks,
Thoul

by **Thoul** » Tue Mar 9, '10, 8:20 pm

Very interesting story, tilinelson2! It's nice to see one of the characters asking some of the same questions I've had about this segment of PSIII's story.

I would suggest that you might consider proofreading a little more. I caught one or two little typos that knocked me out of the flow of the story. In particular, the part where Marlena is researching the nature of the world was one such. One sentence says her planet "did not have different seasons," but later in the same paragraph you say her world does have different seasons.

by **tilinelson2** » Wed Mar 10, '10, 10:41 am

Thanks you have appreciated the history. I know the English is not the best around since it is not my native language. I will check that (the thing about the seasons) because I was making a review in the history and most likely I forgot to cut some extra text that should be removed.

by **Tanith** » Wed Mar 10, '10, 1:49 pm

Thoul wrote:It's nice to see one of the characters asking some of the same questions I've had about this segment of PSIII's story.

I agree, and I enjoyed getting inside Marlena's/Maia's mind, too. I always felt sorry for her, about being played like a chess piece; she did seem rather innocent of everything. Great story; I enjoyed your writing style very much!

by **tilinelson2** » Wed Mar 17, '10, 11:19 pm

Tanith wrote:
Thoul wrote:It's nice to see one of the characters asking some of the same questions I've had about this segment of PSIII's story.

I agree, and I enjoyed getting inside Marlena's/Maia's mind, too. I always felt sorry for her, about being played like a chess piece; she did seem rather innocent of everything. Great story; I enjoyed your writing style very much!

Thanks. I´m glad you enjoyed my fanfic.

by **Silver_Surfer1** » Wed Aug 18, '10, 8:15 am

Interesting story. My, she certainly has a lot on her mind. It's hard not to feel sorry for her in some respects as she has been through so much. Intriguing girl, to say the least.

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