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PostPosted: Fri Feb 8, '08, 5:51 am 
Hello,

This topic is for reviews of The Bloodline Lives On, the fan fiction by Kaloes. You may use this topic to let Kaloes know what you think of this story. When commenting on the story, try to go into detail about what you enjoyed or thought could be improved. Both praise and constructive criticism are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive criticisms.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of The Bloodline Lives On. If you would like to discuss another story, please do so in that story's review thread.

Thanks,
Thoul


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 8, '08, 8:38 am 
Okay, I just finished reading the story "The Bloodline Lives On". I thought it was a very interesting and well told story. I enjoyed it very much. It also sounds like a sweet romance and family story which fits in well with Valentine's Day coming up soon.

However, I did notice a few spelling and grammar errors. Easy to fix with a little proofreading, though, if so desired.

I must say that I found the husband to be very accepting of the process that his wife went through in order to have their child, and without informing him of that fact before she did it. Many husbands would have had the opposite reaction, I fear, possibly endangering both the process and the relationship at some point and time. It worked out very well with this story however.

I am not familiar with the name they gave the baby. I had thought they might name the child after the donor.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 8, '08, 9:55 am 
This is a pretty good story, but I found a couple of things confusing about it. The donor was Rolf, right? That didn't make sense, with the story's date being 1287 and the sample being so old.

Silver_Surfer1 wrote:I must say that I found the husband to be very accepting of the process that his wife went through in order to have their child, and without informing him of that fact before she did it.


I got the impression that it was sort of the husband's idea to start with, but I think that could have been tied together with the opening, where they're talking about the building in Paseo, a little more clearly.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 8, '08, 4:50 pm 
I know I have grammer issues >_< It was actually a blood sample left by Rolf 300 years before when he visited the clone lab in Paseo and they kept it perserved for centuries. Since it was the final blood sample they infused that dna into her. Its much like what we have with the stuff today at those kinda hospitals, only its Algos way by putting the blood of the original persons dna into the eggs >_< and well you get the picture.. The story is kinda a Tie in with PSIV, if you focus on the name he gives at the end. Leon Ashley. Its the great great great great (continues to go on with greats) grandfather of Chaz Ashley. It was suppose to be a romantical thing, as well as a small tie in with PSIV giving a little detail why Chaz was able/chosen to wield Elsydeon and thats basically it. Besides if you read the first sentence of the fic "Three hundred years have passed since then, and the legend of Rolf Landale barely lives on today. This is my story." You get the picture that the story is being told 300 years after. The beginning was just giving you the date that marked the start of the great decline in Mota's life.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 8, '08, 5:23 pm 
I really liked this story. :) Nicely done, Kaloes! I can't think of any comments to make, other than some of the paragraphs could be broken down some.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, '08, 5:35 am 
Well, the way Kaloes explained the whole donor/cloning thing to me, I think the hospital technicians used only half of Rolf's DNA, only extracting 23 of his chromosomes (humans have 46, and PSII refers to Palmans as humans, so I guess we're not all that dissimilar). This RNA (the half set of chromosomes present in sperm/ova) was implanted in several of Cody's sperm (replacing his own RNA), then these sperm were used to conceive Leon in vitro, then the embryo was implanted into Lindsey (so, Lindsey Ashleigh's still Leon's mother, but Mister Spoiler is technically Leon's father.)

Actually not too dissimilar to something we have on good ol' backwards 21st century Earth, called DNA polymerase transfer, I believe. Lemme go check wikipedia...

Okay, I'm back, and yes, I really did check Wikipedia. Couldn't find exactly what I wanted, but did find something called triparental mating: Whitebox is the helper strain (he provides the genetics), Cody's the donor strain (he provides the sperm), and Lindsey's the recipent strain (self-explanatory). Whoo science?!


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, '08, 7:26 pm 
nice story. :)


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