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 Post subject: Reviews of Test Flight
PostPosted: Fri Mar 4, '11, 3:03 pm 
Hello,

This topic is for reviews of Test Flight by carlsojos. You may use this topic to let carlsojos know what you think of this work. When commenting, try to go into detail about what you enjoyed or thought could be improved. Both praise and constructive criticism are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive criticisms.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Test Flight. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Thoul


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 6, '11, 6:36 pm 
The story uses a peculiar 2nd person narrative, but that is not bad as it works the same as with an unnamed character.

The test flight is insane. Poor "you" in the story: in the hands of an emotionless and wicked android. Nothing could be worse. If I was the tester, I´d resign my job immediately: better unemployed than dead. Specially in PSII Motavia: "why should I work for a living?" :p


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 7, '11, 10:50 pm 
tilinelson2 wrote:Poor "you" in the story: in the hands of an emotionless and wicked android.... If I was the tester, I´d resign my job immediately....

Ah, let's see now that I have a minute to review this review.... Firstly, the "you" is supposed to be you, because I wanted to see if I could make the reader a character. Yep, you are the copilot, and yes you don't have any special training at this point. Yes, I imagine that most people did quit, which is why you'd be brought in instead of a trained person. To choreograph that dogfight, I actually pulled up a simulator on my computer, hopped in a spaceplane (the one in my avatar, not my sig), and flew the entire test flight myself to find out what happens- the spin out of control part was actually a result of me being unable to perform a more elegant loop at the speeds attained, and I was too scared to continue playing around when I finally regained control, so I stopped it there.
Lastly, Wren-P struck me as childish rather than emotionless- I actually partially based him off of myself, although he deviated a bit from the mark by the end of the sequel to this story, Hydrofoil.


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Hydrofoil
PostPosted: Tue Mar 8, '11, 1:56 pm 
Good. Much like the previous story (Test Flight), Wren-P is trying to kill "you" again by being reckless. At this point, I´d certainly have acquired a trauma and just the mention of Wren-P would make me run away screaming :p


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Hydrofoil
PostPosted: Tue Mar 8, '11, 2:10 pm 
Well, it is your fault that you ran over his hydrofoil and pulled an important circuit breaker while he was chasing you. I don't think you can blame the errant machine this time- and you did win in the end, in that you kept your job.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 13, '11, 3:04 am 
Interesting story, and I'm glad you gave the explanations about the technology words, etc., before the story began as I would have been lost without it. It was a good action story about space flight, etc.


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Hydrofoil
PostPosted: Sun Mar 13, '11, 3:13 am 
Similar to the other story with action in space, etc. It is interesting learning a bit more about these space crafts and what all they can do. It is sometimes easier to get more involved in the human relationships and parts of a story and not think about vehicles, machines, etc., that also have a primary part and function in many stories, etc. Glad to see some of that here.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, '11, 9:45 pm 
The narrative point of view ("you") reminds me a lot of the Choose Your Own Adventure stories I used to read as kid. I half expected a paragraph to end with, "if you choose to eject, turn to page 20." :lol: That's an interesting writing choice that you pulled off well.

I can see why most people would quit this job. Being thrown into a dangerous test flight situation with no prior briefing would not sit well with anyone. I get the impression that this was the new pilot's very first flight, which makes it a little hard to believe he would be sent up in a brand new ship right away. Wren-P is well written. I also wouldn't classify him as emotionless. I wouldn't go with childish exactly either, but that is a better fit.

The reveal of the ship's name at the end was nice.The sort of maneuverability displayed in the story is not something I normally associate with that ship, from seeing it in PSIV, so I didn't see that coming at all.


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Hydrofoil
PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, '11, 1:47 am 
Huh...I haven't read a story written in the second person perspective since the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books of yore. Interesting naval battle sequence. I'm not quite sure how much this fits in the PSII ouerve, but then, I haven't played the game so I really can't talk.


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 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Hydrofoil
PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, '11, 1:53 am 
H-Man wrote:I'm not quite sure how much this fits in the PSII ouerve, but then, I haven't played the game so I really can't talk.

To be honest, it only fits by proxy, since its immediate prequel also occurs in the same time frame.


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