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PostPosted: Wed Jun 1, '11, 8:26 pm 
Hello,

You may use this topic to share your thoughts regarding Study Buddies (An EOTA story) by H-Man. When reviewing, try to go into detail about what you enjoy or feel could be improved in Study Buddies (An EOTA story). Both praise and constructive criticism intended to help H-Man in future endeavors are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive comments.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Study Buddies (An EOTA story). If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Fringes of Algo Staff


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 3, '11, 5:24 am 
A very good story, H-Man. The characters form a cute pair, particularly during their reenactment. The ending left me smiling as well.

I didn't notice any technical problems in this piece. However, I was a little confused when I first started the story. This is probably because I've read this before The Savage Silence, but I think it might have been a good idea to work in an indication that this was a fifth grade class a little earlier. Until Dee's first line, I was wondering just what kind of class Corg was in here.


Last edited by Thoul on Fri Jun 3, '11, 5:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, '11, 8:40 pm 
Cute story. Corg and Dee sound like soul mates in many ways even for two of such a young age as found here. Enjoyed the recess play scenario. :)

Some proofreading may be needed:

In the sentence/paragraph..."Nobody ever worked with him anymore, not since last year when went from being the class weakling to the odd, shifty-eyed athlete in literally a couple of days."

(Note: The word "he" possibly needed between words "when" and "went".).

In the paragraph.. "The two locked fingers and Dee soon pulled up a chair and sat next to Corg. The spent the next twenty minutes working on the percentage problems that Mrs. Kemmerley had placed on the telescreen. Although Dee didn’t really get the mathematics behind percentages when they started the first problem, by the time they were on the third, she was doing most of the calculations by herself, not to mention the writing. They finished about fifteen minutes before recess."

(Note: In the second sentence "the spent" might possibly sound clearer as "they spent".)


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