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PostPosted: Fri May 20, '11, 3:16 pm 
Hello,

You may use this topic to share your thoughts regarding Let Me See Your Smile by tilinelson2. When reviewing, try to go into detail about what you enjoy or feel could be improved in Let Me See Your Smile. Both praise and constructive criticism intended to help tilinelson2 in future endeavors are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive comments.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Let Me See Your Smile. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Fringes of Algo Staff


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PostPosted: Wed May 25, '11, 7:44 pm 
Finished reading both chapters. An interesting story. Very complex charaters here, and various emotions all of them are feeling towards one another.

A good lesson for that clerk to skip the sarcasm and possibly save her life in doing so, lol. A valuable trait to remember at all times everywhere.


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PostPosted: Thu May 26, '11, 4:01 am 
I liked the story and the message behind it. I enjoyed that someone so naïve as Nei could help Anna break out of her self-created shell and start moving on--as much Anna claimed to be leaving the past behind, she was really just screwing herself out of a decent happy future. I also noticed that you kind of found an interesting way to insert the bit about name changing.

Just a few constructive suggestions:

1) "God", "hell", and "Manga" seem a bit anachronistic and out of place in an emotional story such as this one.

2) The whole bit about Rolf and his dreams of Nei, while not impossible in the least, didn't add anything to the narrative and could've been excised without affecting the story.


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PostPosted: Thu May 26, '11, 5:00 pm 
Thanks for your kind reviews. I'm happy the story had the impact I planned it to have.

In those Anna stories, there are always things which seem to not make any sense in the particular story, but their have their reasons to be considering it is a series written in a random order.


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