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PostPosted: Mon Aug 2, '10, 9:14 pm 
Hello,

This topic is for reviews of Journey to Ryucross by Aeroprism. You may use this topic to let Aeroprism know what you think of this work. When commenting, try to go into detail about what you enjoyed or thought could be improved. Both praise and constructive criticism are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive criticisms.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Journey to Ryucross. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Thoul


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 3, '10, 5:04 am 
This is just excellent, Aero. No major criticisms here. It flows brilliantly, I love the whole scene, it's a great look at General Freeman's character, and interactions are especially well-written. No dry generals and Espers here! I look forward to more of your "End of the Age" stories. By the way, Tyrus? Awesome. Totally, without a doubt, awesome.

PS- Even though this is your own PS universe that takes place around the time of PSII, I really like how you're filling in your story with other canon PS people and places that were left out of PSII.

PPS- Am I detecting a hint of Fedmahn Kassad in General Freeman's character?


Last edited by Tanith on Tue Aug 3, '10, 5:04 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 3, '10, 5:44 am 
Fascinating story, Aero! Very interesting confrontation also. Looking forward to reading more of your work. :)


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 3, '10, 1:23 pm 
Very nice of you two, thank you!

@Tanith: I have no idea who this guy is.

May I redirect you to the EOTA roleplay section on the "IMPORTANT NPC" section, I have just posted new material concerning Freeman's relationship with the Espers. Reading this will greatly facilitate your appreciation of the other parts of the Ryucross story.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 3, '10, 2:13 pm 
Nice little story with some well-written technique battles. The dialogue is a bit top-heavy in a few places, but otherwise it's a good read. I liked the opening paragraphs a lot.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 3, '10, 2:40 pm 
This story is complete btw, has been for years. I am going to post it part by part to help create a continuity. That part was maybe the 1/9th of the whole thing.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 3, '10, 8:14 pm 
Great story, Aero. It really provides a good insight into the attitudes and feelings of the characters. The more I read about Freeman, the more I like the guy.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 5, '10, 9:03 pm 
I posted the third part but I'm a bit bugged. There is a lot of dialogue without line breaks in it. Does it make it hard to read?


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 5, '10, 9:14 pm 
Read the second chapter. That was pretty interesting indeed. I don't remember a whole lot about Ryucross from the fourth game, but your story gave it a deserving air of mystery to it all.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 7, '10, 4:08 am 
Aeroprism wrote:I posted the third part but I'm a bit bugged. There is a lot of dialogue without line breaks in it. Does it make it hard to read?
Nah. It doesn't take me long to get used to a writer's preference of dialogue style. The only dialogue styles I really don't care for are like Alan Paton's Cry, The Beloved Country, which doesn't use quotation marks (not to mention the book just moved at a snail's pace, taking entire pages to describe sunsets, etc.), and long runs of dialogue between more than two characters that don't reference which character is speaking. I mean, if you want to add line breaks, more power to you, but I got into your dialogue style just fine within the first chapter.

Anyway, I'm still very much enjoying the story. I like the husband/wife team of being the first and second in charge; that's a nice touch and one you don't see very often. Plus, I definitely admire Sandy's feistiness. ;) You go, girl!


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