Reviews of Awakenings

Hello,

You may use this topic to share your thoughts regarding Awakenings by augmentedfourth. When reviewing, try to go into detail about what you enjoy or feel could be improved in Awakenings. Both praise and constructive criticism intended to help augmentedfourth in future endeavors are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive comments.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Awakenings. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Thanks,
Fringes of Algo Staff

The recap was alright, but when Laya stepped onto the scene, things really picked up. I loved the way you wrote Laya, especially her initial physical description. Nial's courteousness with her was also very cute. I did like the moment when she finds herself stroking his face and then snaps back all of a sudden. Between waking up after 1,000 years and being woken up by what must be a courteous, kind, attractive member of the opposite sex of about the same age, quite a few emotions would be flowing through the girl's mind at that point. Looking forward to more.

Okay, you continue to do a really good job of writing Laya, the PSIII equivalent of Rip Van Winkle, as someone who's incredibly out of place, despite being in lands that she was raised in. Nial makes a good awkward romantic type, too. What I most liked about the chapter is that, by the end, both characters are more or less overcoming their own shortcomings and ready to move forward as a team, a couple, and as individual human beings. Nothing irks me more than stories/plots that needlessly drag out character and relationship development in order to create (artificial) suspense. That, and I like PSIII relationships.

I've said this so many times that it's becoming a cliché, but I love your descriptions of physical affection and Nial and Laya's encounter in her room was steamy and powerful without feeling as if it was driven completely by lust. I'm an old stickler for the old sentiment of "It doesn't matter what happens to me, but if anything happens to you, then all is lost." I also thought it was a nifty addition of our party discovering for the first time how to "use" Laya's temples as a means of transportation. It's something we take for granted, but to the heroes, it is a small miracle indeed.

Just finished part 4. A sad parting but they each seem to have further destinies awaiting for them. Very good story.