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PostPosted: Mon Feb 14, '11, 5:33 am 

This topic is for reviews of Heartbeat, Heartbreak by Snorb. You may use this topic to let Snorb know what you think of this work. When commenting, try to go into detail about what you enjoyed or thought could be improved. Both praise and constructive criticism are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive criticisms.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Heartbeat, Heartbreak. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.


PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, '11, 1:26 am 
Inna-Godda-DaChainsaw! Bwahahaha! That was hilarious!

Really, that was a great exchange between Hugh and Shir; very believable dialogue! I also liked how you kept true to your own version of post-PSII events, so that this fits in with your other stories, too. Everyone manages to still be in character, too. No wandering out of character just to fill out a romance (which seems to happen a lot in the world of fanfic). I'm really looking forward to the next chapter!

PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, '11, 8:07 am 
I've read the first part with Shir and Hugh. I really like how you have written Shir's playful and carefree attitude. Reminds me of Haruhi Suzumiya for some reason. Well done Snorb :up: . I'll be sure to read the second half when I get the chance.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, '11, 9:59 am 
Cool, the Shir x Hugh part was very fun. Well, Shir is meant to be fun and you did a great job developing her behavior and dialogue.

The Rolf X Amy part was adequate to Valentine's Day. How Amy didn't see before that Rolf was better than Hugh? It is too obvious :p

PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, '11, 1:40 pm 
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! :heartbeat: The second party was all mushy and sweet! Sexy, too, but very classy, I must say. Rolf and Amy do seem like a wonderful couple together.

I liked the bit about Kain, too. Hehe.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, '11, 3:10 pm 
I'm glad everyone liked Heartbeat, Heartbreak! Thanks for reading, everyone! ^_^

Of course, the problem with finishing it is now I'm gonna feel a little guilty about finishing up Fun in the Sun- that one was started with the intent that Rolf and Shir wind up together, as do Hugh and Amy. Instead, those couples don't stand the test of time- Hugh winds up with Shir, and Rolf (the hero) gets Amy (the staff girl).

Part one's pretty straightforward, but part two had some bits I left out- either because it was two in the morning when I finished writing part two, or I was a bit unsure what I could put in without getting moderated. Hence the ::blush:: warning in the comment box, but everyone is (mercifully) spared my descriptions of:
~Amy was supposed to be a bit more flirtatious and forward after the dinner scene. Chalk her current portrayal up to "it's two in the morning, I'm tired."
~Descriptions of agent casual clothing and lingerie being peeled away like artichoke leaves, something I don't think the mod squad would have let me get away with. =p
~The subtle implication that Amy might have become pregnant at the very end. I don't know, I think someone could read the last couple lines that way and think that.

Anyway, I'm glad everyone liked Heartbeat, Heartbreak! Now I just have to get myself to finish FitS, Ripple Effect, and Zero Hour ^_^

PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, '11, 8:29 pm 
Well, I'm sure you had all the Amy fans out there drooling onto their keyboards. :D

I enjoyed both parts, they were cute. "Fighting off a nosebleed" got a big chuckle out of me.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, '11, 10:10 pm 
Just read both parts of the stories and they were wonderful Valentine's Day related stories. Enjoyed them both athough I think I liked Hugh and Shir more as they seemed like a better couple together to me.

In some respects Amy seemed more in lust than in love at the moment, imho, which I guess happens a lot on Valentines' Day to some people. :wink: I got the impression that Amy was not quite over her past relationship. Also that she had planned on wearing that outfit for someone else other than the one she did wear it for which might, or might not, bother someone in a new or current relationship. I also found it a little sad that all these people were, in their own way, bemoaning past relationships they considered now over but which relationships were once meaningful to them. It really makes you wonder if the new relationships will turn out the same way one day. One never knows, I suppose, as that's how love goes, I guess.

With all that said, though, both stories were wonderfully written and they captured and held my interest. Excellent job of story writing as usual. :clap:

PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, '11, 5:54 am 
Silver: The bemoaning of relationships past was a bit unintentional on my part- guess who was single on Valentine's Day. =p

I'm glad you enjoyed the story, though. Thanks for reading, everyone!

PostPosted: Fri Mar 4, '11, 5:20 pm 
Excellent story, Snorb. You write some of the best romantic fanfics I've ever read. Woo hoo! I enjoyed the passion in the Amy and Rolf chapter, and a part of me hopes that Hugh puts things behind him for Shir. Dang it, I now wish I had written a Valentine's Day piece for my PSIII series (although it would've been stealing your gig, so that's okay).

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