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 Post subject: Reviews of Fun in the Sun
PostPosted: Sun Apr 26, '09, 10:37 am 

This topic is for reviews of Fun in the Sun, the fan fiction by Snorb. You may use this topic to let Snorb know what you think of this story. When commenting on the story, try to go into detail about what you enjoyed or thought could be improved. Both praise and constructive criticism are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive criticisms.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Fun in the Sun. If you would like to discuss another story, please do so in that story's review thread.


PostPosted: Wed May 13, '09, 1:07 am 
A great, fun story. It's nice to have an upbeat look at the character's lives after the big battles are over. I look forward to reading more of this. Especially the Kain stuff; he really stole the scene at the end of the first chapter.

PostPosted: Sat May 30, '09, 2:58 am 

Terribly veiled reference...check.
Potential...suggestive activity...check.
Stereotypical 'popping the question amid constant interruptions'...check.
Stupid competition that can only get even stupider...check.
Shir stealing things...check.
Kain being an idiot...check.

Now all you need is a pie in the face somewhere and you'll have a comedy masterpiece. :D

But in all seriousness, this is funny and amusing throughout. I suspect with miniature golf, which is normally about as exciting as a documentary on dirt, it will become even more so.

PostPosted: Sun Jul 5, '09, 12:35 am 
Snorb wrote:"Paseo Pie Factory? You hit me in the face with a lemon pie."

Alright, you got a comedy masterpiece. :D And does Ultra Macho Man have disturbing pecs?

This was amusing. Maybe not QUITE as amusing as some previous chapters, in fact there were some dark moments, but it's still FitS without a doubt. And I love the image of a drunk Kain attempting to play a Punch Out ripoff. I just hope the next chapter is just...pure amusement.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 6, '09, 3:45 am 
Thanks, Caged and Thoul, for the reviews! Glad you're both liking the story so far!

Part 4 did get a bit dark- purely unintentional, I assure you. Hope you enjoyed it, because the damn Hugh/Amy part took weeks alone to write out. At least the others' parts came easily. (No kidding, I've got seventeen different draft versions in various stages of completion in my My Drafts page! Backups, backups, backups! =p)

Kain's gonna get MUCH worse with his game, believe me. The other boxers in the game have far more downright evil schticks for him to adjust to than Automobili and the Billion Meseta Boxer:
[Reveal] Spoiler: Dynamite Duke's Fisticuffsmanship!! Spoilers
Don Vito Gangsterelli- Pretty much a Corleone crime family caricature.
Dlagon Ree- Mastered the ancient Oriental art of Cheatalotto, which is basically him watching Fist of the North Star until he gets it. Damn cultural contamination with Earth...
Max Morgan- Basically everything about pro wrestling in the Eighties gone terribly, terribly wrong.
Skullcrusher Kiljarian- Tends to go for the head- a lot!
Murderin' Moatoob- Besides a PSUniverse reference, he's pretty much what the label on the can says: He's a Motavian, and he's a killer.
Ultra Macho Man- Disturbing pecs, indeed! His pecs have boxing gloves! XD
"Dynamite" Duke Togo- You know, I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to smear antiseptic on your gloves in boxing. Nor are you permitted to bring wrist-thick bottle rockets with you.

Fun fact- When I came up with the designs for everyone's swimwear, I made it look similar to what they originally wore in PSII- Rolf in blue, Rudo in black/gray, etc. (Shir's the sole exception- she has a red cheongsam bikini instead of a blue one.) Anna's wearing a one-piece because she was drawn with armor in her character picture- I figured she'd go for less revealing clothing. As for Amy and her skimpy bikini... well, she's my favorite PSII character. Favoritism. XD

PostPosted: Thu Aug 13, '09, 2:49 pm 
Wow, a Dragonball Z reference within a punch-out reference! Can things get anyMORE gloriously lame that you must respect it?

Also, I'm enjoying the golf. Because Rudo is getting so artfully schooled that it is humorous.

And...Shir's a word I probably can't use on this forum.

Please continue with your regularly scheduled FitS program and I'll stop pointlessly rambling.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 3, '09, 4:18 pm 
I'm trying to think of any other physical humor cliches that have yet to show up. The only one I can think of is that no one's stepped on the business end of a garden tool and gotten hit in the face by the handle. But there must be others. I'll brush up on Looney Tunes to find the rest.

Kain is a jerk...I want to use another word, but I can't do to the forum rules. But wow. And that bar employee isn't much better for just letting him keep buying alcohol. Can't wait for the next opponent. Speaking of alcohol, are Rudo and Anna going to end up similar to Kain or are they are a touch smarter than that?

And for the end........d'awwwwww. ^_^

PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, '09, 10:45 pm 
Rudo's a clever guy for what he did. And I guess the Earthmen imported both Christianity and Thanksgiving (were they American?) to Algo. :D

Rita's a word I can't use on this forum. Holy banana peels, do I hate her. I hope Shir is clever in exacting revenge. And maybe illegal...because she's Shir, what's the law to her? XD And will Kain ever be arrested for public drunkness?

(Pardon my lack of creativity...I was doing homework for the last 5 hours or so.)

PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, '09, 8:07 am 
Glad to see you think Rita's such a really, really thoroughly unlovable jerk of an antagonist, Caged- she's like the evil opposite of Amy, which was kinda the intent. I s'pose I did well there. ^^;

Fixed one *really* stupid gender confusion in Rudo and Anna's part. How did I miss that last night?!

Will Kain get arrested? Oh, God, yes. For public drunkenness? Well, that's up in the air- he's still got a video game to win!

I've been toying around with the idea of a soundtrack- just some songs to queue up in Winamp and play along as you read the story, to try and evoke the summertime mood. Didn't think of much:

Beach Boys: California Girl, I Get Around, Surfin' USA, God Only Knows, Help Me Rhonda, Barbara Ann, Fun Fun Fun, Surfin' Safari, Kokomo, Sloop John B (the best crappy vacation song ever, and my favorite Beach Boys song)
Jimmy Buffet: Margaritaville, Cheeseburger in Paradise (the song Shir sings in part six)
Don Henley: The Boys of Summer
Dennis DeYoung: Desert Moon

Told ya. Soundtracks fail me. =p

Glad everyone's enjoying the story so far! ^_^

PostPosted: Fri Oct 30, '09, 8:06 pm 
At long last, Part Eight is up. Man, that was a long wait, and I apologize. Really hectic month on my end.

And I kid you not on this, as soon as I started writing the Rolf/Shir part at the end, the really triumphant orchestrated part of Persona 4's final boss theme came up on Winamp. No kidding.

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