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 Post subject: Reviews of Stella
PostPosted: Mon Oct 4, '10, 4:33 pm 

This topic is for reviews of Stella by tilinelson2. You may use this topic to let tilinelson2 know what you think of this work. When commenting, try to go into detail about what you enjoyed or thought could be improved. Both praise and constructive criticism are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive criticisms.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of Stella. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.


 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Stella
PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, '10, 8:05 am 
I've read the first two chapters and wanted to leave a review while the story so far is still fresh in my mind.

Excellent job so far. I can't say I really noticed the grammar issues you mentioned, so nothing of significance to report there. ;) Your English is wonderful, by the way.

You've written your main character in a way that leaves the audience sympathizing with him. He's a member of the Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei (apparently the common English version of this group triggers the word filter), but realizes the futility of his party and is barely going through the motions of his duties at this point. The setting in the second chapter is scary, and you describe it well without moving away from the focus of the doctor's point of view. (In other words, you could have gone on at length about the horrors of a death camp, but I prefer it the way you've written it, which is to keep it mostly from the doctor's point of view. I have a feeling it will lead to more eye-opening discoveries in the future.)

This is a really interesting story and setting, and I'm very much looking forward to reading more. :)

 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Stella
PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, '10, 10:14 pm 
I read all 8 chapters of this story last night, and must say that it was a very moving story. I don't think I have ever read quite anything like it in a Fan Fiction work as far as the subject matter goes (death camps, experiments, etc.). Speaking for myself, it was a little shocking to read at first, but then good things come to those who wait, and I found the ending to be very inspirational and encouraging.

First, I like the fact that you left each, or most, chapters at a certain shorter length. That made it easier for me to stay interested in the story and continue on reading more of the story as sometimes very long pages tend to bore me or make me lose interest.

I also didn't notice any problems with grammar or anything that needed proofreading again, or any other such thing. That was great too! :clap:

It is almost hard to say what one feels on reading some of the atrocities that may have taken place during this particular time in History. You have described some of them extremely well and left even more to the imagination of the reader which basically draws the reader more into the story, I think.

It was hard for someone such as I to even begin to imagine the pain, suffering, and heartache that these characters (and others in real life) may have had to go through and that has been confronted here and forced the reader to think about many of those related issues, which is good for humanity everwhere, I think. Mostly because, as the Doctor found out, only by facing those issues and changing ourselves and what is in our own heart, will be the only true way that change will ever come for us, and for others all over the world.

One thing that bothered me, though, is that I would have liked to have found out more about the Doctor's sister, I think it was, and more about what really happened to her, them as a family, etc. Also, it was a little disgusting to even think that Stella would have any romantic notions about this man/doctor who had so brutally abused her, and vice versa. However, that is one fact of life that while it may never be understood, does indeed happen.

Great characters! Fascinating Story! Excellent Ending! :clap:

 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Stella
PostPosted: Wed Oct 13, '10, 1:02 pm 
This is a review of chapter 3:

Things are getting quite interesting now. Dr. Braudenhoff continues his mental and emotional downward spiral, but rather than being so jaded by his situation that he's become an automaton, he's starting to get angry. I like the way this is progressing. You've spaced out your story well, and I particularly like the ending of this chapter. It left me hooked and ready to read more. Can't wait to move on to the next chapter!

 Post subject: Re: Reviews of Stella
PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, '10, 2:39 am 
Having read all eight chapters, I have to say I'm pleased with the way you handled this sensitive subject matter, tilinelson2. You crafted the doctor as a sympathetic character who knew immoral things were happening, but was forced to participate at a heavy emotional and psychological cost. It was a hard place for a person to be in. I'm glad that the story reflects that well.

For critique, I have two comments. First is the use of "doc." That's a very informal word that struck me as out of place in this story. Due to the serious subject matter and somewhat dark tone of the setting, seeing characters refer to the man as "doc" instead of "doctor" knocked me out of the narrative for a moment.

Second, I would have liked to see some more exposition about Stella's brother. I understand that he does not have a place in the main story, but he seems almost like an afterthought that was tacked on to the end. He lacks impact. Perhaps instead of telling us he searched for Stella, you could show us some of his search. Or maybe you could mention him earlier, when the doctor receives Stella's file. That would give his existence a greater impact on the story.

Tanith wrote:He's a member of the Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei (apparently the common English version of this group triggers the word filter)

People insist on irresponsibly and improperly using the word as a insult. :knockout:

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