Phantasy Star: Fringes of Algo

I like your writing, it reminds me of how I write quite a bit. Your style is different turning left when I may go keep going on with it, but the head along a similar destination. The descriptions are consistent, yet lacking only slightly, having the main focus on the storyline. I enjoy every chapter, finding I can't stop and waiting for what happens in the next. I can imagine what is happening in the story easily able to associate the words with my own images to form a movie-like story that would be linear with the rest of the series for the most part, though detail is put at an average level. Overall I give this story a 3, deciding that it has a firm destiny, but lacking in writer's talent in detail. I wait in high anticipation for the next chapter.

before anyone says anything i know chapter seven is lacking in some parts.. i need to branch out these next few chapters so they will be a bit on the short side ok, i know the writing is terrible to, just don't critisize the whole thing badly because of a chapter that maybe lacking a little.. just wait for chapter 8 everything will get better.

In chapter seven, I think the part that needs the most work is the transition from the video to the action. It is a little too sudden, in my opinion. Overall it is a good chapter, it just needs a little polish.

i shall get back to this as soon as my concussion goes away

Concussion? Ouch, what happened? I hope you feel better soon.

i should be getting back to this soon, just havent had any inspiration lately.. i'm gonna sit my butt down this weekend and write my * off

i actually wrote chapter 8 tuesday, figured since i didn't have anything to do i'd sit down start thinking and writing. hopfully everyone will enjoy the story still. chapter 9 and up will be better, that short chapter 6-8 was a bit complicated for me but i think i've improved alot over the last few months. and about your earlier post thoul about that video with nara's dad, how can i explain it.. it was a video but it wasn't at the same time. think of it like a anime or a video game, its more of a flashback scene that would only appear but your character didn't actually see it, so i guess in writing the transition from that is a bit complicated to do.

My friend always does her flashbacks with an asterisk before and after each paragraph, and when its on word she indents it as well. I don't do them too often so, I have to agree that they're difficult XD

Ah, I see, it was a flashback. Yeah, the transitions like that can be very tricky to handle. The new chapters are good, even though they feel a bit brief. I look forward to more.

hope everyone enjoys the new chapter.