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PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, '07, 10:23 pm 
I like your writing, it reminds me of how I write quite a bit. Your style is different turning left when I may go keep going on with it, but the head along a similar destination. The descriptions are consistent, yet lacking only slightly, having the main focus on the storyline. I enjoy every chapter, finding I can't stop and waiting for what happens in the next. I can imagine what is happening in the story easily able to associate the words with my own images to form a movie-like story that would be linear with the rest of the series for the most part, though detail is put at an average level. Overall I give this story a 3, deciding that it has a firm destiny, but lacking in writer's talent in detail. I wait in high anticipation for the next chapter.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, '07, 10:23 pm 
before anyone says anything i know chapter seven is lacking in some parts.. i need to branch out these next few chapters so they will be a bit on the short side ok, i know the writing is terrible to, just don't critisize the whole thing badly because of a chapter that maybe lacking a little.. just wait for chapter 8 everything will get better.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, '07, 12:20 am 
In chapter seven, I think the part that needs the most work is the transition from the video to the action. It is a little too sudden, in my opinion. Overall it is a good chapter, it just needs a little polish.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 1, '07, 6:45 pm 
i shall get back to this as soon as my concussion goes away


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 2, '07, 4:13 pm 
Concussion? Ouch, what happened? :ouch: I hope you feel better soon. :)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, '07, 12:18 am 
i should be getting back to this soon, just havent had any inspiration lately.. i'm gonna sit my butt down this weekend and write my * off


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, '07, 5:47 pm 
i actually wrote chapter 8 tuesday, figured since i didn't have anything to do i'd sit down start thinking and writing. hopfully everyone will enjoy the story still. chapter 9 and up will be better, that short chapter 6-8 was a bit complicated for me but i think i've improved alot over the last few months. and about your earlier post thoul about that video with nara's dad, how can i explain it.. it was a video but it wasn't at the same time. think of it like a anime or a video game, its more of a flashback scene that would only appear but your character didn't actually see it, so i guess in writing the transition from that is a bit complicated to do.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, '07, 7:09 pm 
My friend always does her flashbacks with an asterisk before and after each paragraph, and when its on word she indents it as well. I don't do them too often so, I have to agree that they're difficult XD


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, '07, 4:45 am 
Ah, I see, it was a flashback. Yeah, the transitions like that can be very tricky to handle. The new chapters are good, even though they feel a bit brief. I look forward to more. :)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, '08, 7:05 pm 
hope everyone enjoys the new chapter.


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