When H-Man told me "I'm writing something based on a Chinese story", I cringed.
Here is, in a nutshell, my experience with Chinese stories:
"Du De" was the greatest lion-hero of the sixty-seventh war of the "Wa De Va" era. Alone, armed with "Piou Piou", his legendary blade, he single-handedly defeated all the armies of the enemy country, killing sixty five million soldiers without getting so much of a scratch. The seven million archers who fired at him all at once bloated the sun with a rain of arrow unheard of but "Du De" stopped them all using his "Fisherman of the early morning by the lake" technique.
"Du De" then went to see the emperor, married his seven lucky daughters, had five hundred suns, all of which became also heroes and lived six hundred years. Before mysteriously dying fighting a dragon.I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. I could literally not tear my eyes from the story until the end. Great work, great pace. It was extremely enjoyable.
Two things I however noted. You fell out of context twice. Once was referencing to Alys as sexy, that whole paragraph seemed out of phase. I think that part was for our talented Alys lovers, possibly?

The second part is the battle. As awesome as it was, it was quickly apparent that you were excited and frantic in your writing when you began calling the Dragon missiles "slicers". You can take the H-Man to China, but you can't take the PS out of the H-Man.
All in all, awesome work. This more than anything encourages me to proceed further in reading your other work.
The Phantasy Star circle of fans is embellished by your presence. Thank you.