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PostPosted: Tue May 3, '11, 3:57 pm 

You may use this topic to share your thoughts regarding 1001 Aridian Nights: The Dreaming Prince by H-Man. When reviewing, try to go into detail about what you enjoy or feel could be improved in 1001 Aridian Nights: The Dreaming Prince. Both praise and constructive criticism intended to help H-Man in future endeavors are encouraged. Please refrain from making non-constructive comments.

Please keep your comments in this thread on the subject of 1001 Aridian Nights: The Dreaming Prince. If you would like to discuss another writing, please do so in that writing's review thread.

Fringes of Algo Staff

PostPosted: Tue May 3, '11, 8:00 pm 
Okay, I finished everything posted so far. *phew*

It's clear that you did a lot of research for this retelling and the results are great and make for an enjoyable read. The names of people and places fit in well, along with the descriptions of the geography (I especially liked the sci-fi passageways between worlds being replaced by dangerous mountain passes).

I'll admit that I didn't see the statue was going to turn into Wren until it happened, but I think he might be my favorite changed character in the whole story so far. Finding the solution to bringing him to life seemed a little rushed, but there was plenty of other action (and action scenes!) in this story, so I didn't mind. A tiny Laya/Layla also took me by surprise, but I'll admit to her riding around on Na'il's shoulder was kind of cute. :D

As this is clearly a fantasy story, I was open to the various dreams where Laya/Layla visited Nial/Na'il, but I'm not sure about how I feel about the whole table of pastries and repeated mentions of "moon cake". I know that dreams don't always have to make sense, of course, but the references to the cake that was supposed to represent Alair throughout seemed a little odd. I guess I can sort of accept that Na'il refused to choose a wife based on the dream (though it's a little bit of a stretch), but using dessert as the vehicle to get the point across was an interesting symbolic choice.

PostPosted: Wed May 4, '11, 3:31 am 
Superb work. You've done a lot of research and you managed to write a story that bears resemblance to both Phantasy Star III and Arabian Nights tales. I don't think I have any point to criticize, the story flows very well and this retelling is much more interesting than your PSIV series. Though the PSIV series was great from the Chinese culture point of view, it was very disconnected from the game, with only loose references. With this one, you managed to make it interesting from both points of view.

Keep up the good work.

PostPosted: Wed May 4, '11, 6:09 am 
This was really quite an enjoyable read. It really felt like something straight out of folklore, but your modernized the narration just enough so that it doesn't read like many fairy tales that just seem like a log of activity: "...and that night the Prince traveled to Blah and in secret met the daughter of Blahblah he had met earlier that day..."

Your story is much more interesting than the above way of writing. I like all of the changes to the original characters. None of them felt like too much of a stretch, and I agree with A4th that the idea of tiny Layla riding around on Na'il and in his robes was extra adorable. It also certainly takes away any remote possibility of tiny Layla being a romantic interest. I also really liked Shahren's "HULK SMASH" at the end of the story. As it wouldn't make sense for Shahren to have a firearm, throwing huge boulders is a nice alternative. His whole opening scene was fun, too.

You portray Na'il very well and his relationship with Mah is sweet, too. I wouldn't expect less from you in that department, as you've always done a great job portraying nurturing characters, but the addition of Mah being a bodyguard and buttkicker still works despite her more motherly side.

Great job on all the research, too. Can't wait for more!

PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, '11, 8:30 pm 
Well for one thing, it's easy to see you've come a long way since you wrote the PS IV stories, since those are similar to this one.

It's also plain to see you did a lot of checking up and research on the setting and such when you wrote this. The level of detail is amazing and you managed to keep the story going along at a nice fluid pace.
Characterisation was top notch as well. You did an awesome job writing up Mah and Shahren and the relation between Mah and Na'il was pretty cool with the whole bodyguard/nurse thing going on. And mini Layla was cute in particular. :D

And of course, your action sequences are very well written as usual. Quick and to the point but all the while painting a clear picture of what's going on. Damn good. ^^

Anyway, happy now? :P

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