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PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, '07, 2:05 am 
I really enjoyed Thoul's Grief about PSI. What a unique take on DF! That's an awesome way to tie-in the first game to the second!

The only other ones I've read so far are Moving the Pawns and Do You Remember Me?.

The first is a good fill-in on a topic we don't hear nearly enough of about; my favorite generation sequence: Nial's quest to bring an end to Lune's aggression. I particularly enjoyed the part that shows Alair trying to end the war herself.

I really liked the latter story. I always wanted to know why Lena wanted to help Rhys. It's a wonderfully polished work, and ends on a strong note by invoking the title. Well done.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, '07, 3:16 am 
Kaloes wrote:I liked your new one Tsunami, I wanted to write something about that Kara as well but I know so little of the Kara in the Sean/Crys path so it's easier to work with the characters you know right... still good, it showed alot of character for Kara, much like the game intended for her to have but could never add it.. great job

I wrote that one a few months ago. Before posting, I had to do some editing. :p

That Kara's more entertaining for me to write about, definitely. I've yet to come up with anything for the princess-like version, though I have really wanted to.

The Komrade wrote:I really liked the latter story. I always wanted to know why Lena wanted to help Rhys. It's a wonderfully polished work, and ends on a strong note by invoking the title. Well done.

Thanks. ^_^ I got fed up with reading things showing Lena in a negative light -- I see her as a kind-hearted girl, still caring for him in her own way, even after he decided to marry Maia instead.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, '07, 5:41 pm 
Very nice work on both of the new Kara stories. They're both very nice insights into the personality of the two characters.

Quote: I really enjoyed Thoul's Grief about PSI.


Thanks. :D When I wrote that, I wanted to explore a different, more human side of DF. I once wrote a sequel story, but it wasn't as good.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, '07, 1:15 am 
Tsunami wrote:Thanks. ^_^ I got fed up with reading things showing Lena in a negative light -- I see her as a kind-hearted girl, still caring for him in her own way, even after he decided to marry Maia instead.
Yes, that's a very good portrayal of Lena. It certainly makes her a more attractive option for Rhys than what PSIII offers.


Thoul wrote:Thanks. :D When I wrote that, I wanted to explore a different, more human side of DF.
A new perspective of DF certainly is welcome. I think you captured the essence of it very well.

Ok, I've read a few more now: Dragon's Tear, New Beginnings, and Meeting by the Lake, the latter was my favorite.

I really enjoyed the premise of Dragon's Tear, showing an alternate history for Thea. The latter part of the story where Thea has to make a choice between Lune and Ryan is the strongest piece of it for sure. The only problem I had with the story was almost unavoidable given the subject matter; in making the perspective from Thea's view, (which is necessary for the story of Thea's capture and imprisonment) the story is entirely passive from her point of view until she must decide between the two men. The only way to avoid the passivity would be to make Ryan the main character and show his point of view as the character that drives all of the action, but then you lose out on the dramatic scene of Thea's capture :dizzy: . It's an unfortunate trade off in this selection of subject.

Despite that inevitability, you did very well as was possible for a story from that viewpoint. :up:

Kaloes, in New Beginnings you give a great amount of personality to each of the characters, no matter how short of a time we get to see of them; nice job. The ending was a nice, unexpected twist, that is all the better because it should have been obvious considering Adan comes from a line of adventurers, and is quite an amazing one himself! That was a nice exercise in not revealing any information to quickly about the coronation ceremony. I suggest spending a bit more time with Adan alone in his room with his thoughts of trepidation. Other than fighting DF, this is the biggest event in Adan's young life.I'm only talking about a paragraph or two, not any major revision.

The biggest problem I had with the story was that I was confused as to why the people of the Alisa III were still on board the ship after four years if they had landed on a new planet that I assume they intend to colonize. I'm sure you could cover that in less than a paragraph since venturing out to that world is Adan's next step. It's not a big issue, but I just would have liked to have known the motivation behind that decision. In fact, my criticism is more of a compliment as you've accomplished your goal; you've got me thinking about the situation you've created! You continue to improve the more that you write!

Thoul, your Meeting by the Lake was a fine story. I've seen other interpretations of this encounter, but yours is by far the best. You did a great job of integrating the combat of PSIII into narrative form, which is a very tricky endeavor. It is easy to go overboard with the action, or speed through it too quickly. You hit the pace just right.

Your descriptions were thorough throughout the story, and the choice of an omniscient viewpoint was a good choice for this piece. Using a break to change to Mieu was as easy transition. You even fit in some elucidations of your own on some of the mysteries of PSIII like Mieu's use of Techniques. The storyline between Rhys and Mieu is very intriguing. I really got the impression that there was a bond forming, but they were still wary of one another. That was excellently covered for two characters from diametrically opposed backgrounds. There are more than enough reasons for you to continue this story. I definitely would like to see where it's going, even though I know the plot of the game! You've created enough material of your own here to keep my interest. :yes:

You all are doing a fine job! Usually Fan Fiction is a realm I don't venture into reading because of such amateurish parroting of the material the author is working from. I must say that I'm pleasantly surprised by all that I've read thus far! This is some fine writing that you all should be proud to call your own.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, '07, 1:35 am 
Hmm...spoiler tags or not? I guess I'll do without them, not giving away much. :p

I had considered writing from Ryan's point of view, but his character is something that I've yet to make any solid decisions on. Tricky to grasp something that has little detail, so I'd have to mold him as I see fit. :)


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, '07, 2:37 am 
Well, I just read my first fanfic here which was Kaloes' From Fifth To Sixth, and it was great. Nice work Kaloes!


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, '07, 3:33 am 
well um.. hmm.. komrade if you read right when Adan was on the balcony of "New Landen" it says he could see the Alisa III over the horizon, so it means they already began to colonize on the new planet hope that cleared it up for you


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, '07, 2:03 am 
Kaloes wrote:well um.. hmm.. komrade if you read right when Adan was on the balcony of "New Landen" it says he could see the Alisa III over the horizon, so it means they already began to colonize on the new planet hope that cleared it up for you
My bad about seeing the ship from the balcony, but still if you used the name New Landen in the story, it'd clear a lot up. It's only called Landen right now. Because of this, I thought he was taking the throne of Landen on board the Alisa III.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, '07, 2:58 am 
i sorta figured you'd figure it out when he says he was walking down the halls of the newly built castle ><


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, '07, 4:58 am 
The Komrade wrote:Thoul, your Meeting by the Lake was a fine story. I've seen other interpretations of this encounter, but yours is by far the best. You did a great job of integrating the combat of PSIII into narrative form, which is a very tricky endeavor. It is easy to go overboard with the action, or speed through it too quickly. You hit the pace just right.


Thanks. :D That part of the story was the most uncertain to me when writing. It's the first time I ever wrote a combat scene. I had to work at it a bit, but I'm happy with how it turned out.

The Komrade wrote:There are more than enough reasons for you to continue this story. I definitely would like to see where it's going, even though I know the plot of the game! You've created enough material of your own here to keep my interest. :yes:


The main reason I'm not planning to continue it is the issue of time. I suppose it's possible I might decide to pick it up again one day, though.


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