Tsunami wrote:Thanks. ^_^ I got fed up with reading things showing Lena in a negative light -- I see her as a kind-hearted girl, still caring for him in her own way, even after he decided to marry Maia instead.
Yes, that's a very good portrayal of Lena. It certainly makes her a more attractive option for Rhys than what PSIII offers.
Thoul wrote:Thanks.
When I wrote that, I wanted to explore a different, more human side of
DF.
A new perspective of
DF certainly is welcome. I think you captured the essence of it very well.
Ok, I've read a few more now:
Dragon's Tear,
New Beginnings, and
Meeting by the Lake, the latter was my favorite.
I really enjoyed the premise of
Dragon's Tear,
showing an alternate history for Thea. The latter part of the story where Thea has to make a choice between Lune and Ryan is the strongest piece of it for sure. The only problem I had with the story was almost unavoidable given the subject matter; in making the perspective from Thea's view, (which is necessary for the story of Thea's capture and imprisonment) the story is entirely passive from her point of view until she must decide between the two men. The only way to avoid the passivity would be to make Ryan the main character and show his point of view as the character that drives all of the action, but then you lose out on the dramatic scene of Thea's capture . It's an unfortunate trade off in this selection of subject.
Despite that inevitability, you did very well as was possible for a story from that viewpoint.
Kaloes, in
New Beginnings you give a great amount of personality to each of the characters, no matter how short of a time we get to see of them; nice job. The ending was a nice, unexpected twist, that is all the better because it should have been obvious considering
Adan comes from a line of adventurers, and is quite an amazing one himself! That was a nice exercise in not revealing any information to quickly about the
coronation ceremony. I suggest spending a bit more time with
Adan alone in his room with his thoughts of trepidation. Other than fighting DF, this is the biggest event in Adan's young life.I'm only talking about a paragraph or two, not any major revision.
The biggest problem I had with the story was that I was confused as to why
the people of the Alisa III were still on board the ship after four years if they had landed on a new planet that I assume they intend to colonize. I'm sure you could cover that in less than a paragraph since venturing out to that world is Adan's next step. It's not a big issue, but I just would have liked to have known the motivation behind that decision. In fact, my criticism is more of a compliment as you've accomplished your goal; you've got me thinking about the situation you've created! You continue to improve the more that you write!
Thoul, your
Meeting by the Lake was a fine story. I've seen other interpretations of this encounter, but yours is by far the best. You did a great job of integrating the combat of PSIII into narrative form, which is a very tricky endeavor. It is easy to go overboard with the action, or speed through it too quickly. You hit the pace just right.
Your descriptions were thorough throughout the story, and the choice of an omniscient viewpoint was a good choice for this piece. Using a break to change to Mieu was as easy transition. You even fit in some elucidations of your own on some of the mysteries of PSIII like
Mieu's use of Techniques. The storyline between Rhys and Mieu is very intriguing. I really got the impression that there was a bond forming, but they were still wary of one another. That was excellently covered for two characters from diametrically opposed backgrounds. There are more than enough reasons for you to continue this story. I definitely would like to see where it's going, even though I know the plot of the game! You've created enough material of your own here to keep my interest.
You all are doing a fine job! Usually Fan Fiction is a realm I don't venture into reading because of such amateurish parroting of the material the author is working from. I must say that I'm pleasantly surprised by all that I've read thus far! This is some fine writing that you all should be proud to call your own.
"Impossible is just a word people use to make themselves feel better when they quit." Vyse, Skies of Arcadia Legends.