Jokes - Know any good ones?

Anyway. I have a few misc. quotes and other misc. jokes. However I will only say a few right now. However just

"Two Asians walk into a bar. Two weeks later they own it." ~Dat Phan

So a little girl goes to a wedding and asks her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" Her mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." The little girl looks at her mother and asks, "Then why is the groom dressed in black?"

Why did the idiot climb the glass wall? To see what's on the other side.

What do you do when an idiot throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin out and throw it back.

Those are great, I got a good laugh from the bride and groom one especially.

Here's a joke I saw at Walmart today.

Q: Why does Santa go down chimneys?
A: Because it soots him!

Let's revive this thread and get it going again!

I was rereading some of the past jokes and they were so funny, I had to laugh all over again!

Here's some new old jokes:



Dad: "Our son gets all his brains from me."

Mother: "That's probably true. I still have all mine."

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Patient: "Doc, I get a bad pain whenever I lift my foot."

Doctor: "Then don't lift your foot!"

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Teacher: "Are you animal, vegetable, or mineral?"

Student: "Vegetable. I'm a human bean!"

what an awesome thread to post
I gotta few clean jokes:

Q: How do Snowmen travel around?

A: By Icicle


Q: What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for work?

A: Bison


Q: How many animals did Jesus let into the ark?

A: None, Jesus didn't let any in it was Noah

q: what are the mario brothers favorite type of pants?

a: denim denim denim (say this out loud)

Those are some very funny jokes, Lucas & Luke!

I really like the one about the Buffalo and Bison!


Here's more:


"Last night I dreamed I ate a five pound marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone."

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What did Noah tell his sons about fishing from the ark?

"Go easy on the bait. We only have two worms."


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Judge: "Order in the court. Order in the court."

Lady: "I'll have a cheesburger with fries and a coke."

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Haven't posted any jokes in awhile as I ran dry, but I found a few more, so let's get this going again.

Somebody posted this joke on another message board I visit sometimes:

"An elderly gentleman had hearing problems for a very long time, so he went to the doctor and got fitted for a hearing aid which left him able to hear extremely well. He went back to the doctor in a few weeks and the doc said he was doing just fine and asked if the gentleman's family was pleased that his hearing had improved so much. The elderly gentleman told the doc that he hadn't yet told his family about his ability to hear better, and said "I just sit around and listen to all their conversations. I've changed my Will four times already."!

awsome, I wanna be like that elderly gentleman when i get older >.>

Here's another joke I found:

My Aunt's body was totally out of shape,
so she talked to her doctor who gave her encouragement,
to join a health and fitness club in order to get some exercise, etc.,
So she joined an aerobics class for seniors,
where she proceeded to bend, twist, jump up and down, and sweat among other things,
However, by the time she got her leotards on,
the class was over!

Here's a Halloween joke for ya:

Q. Do you know why the skeleton wouldn't cross the bridge?









A. No Guts!