Jokes - Know any good ones?

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Postby SparkyIII » Fri Nov 16, '07, 3:32 am

I read a really lame Starcraft joke once:

An ultralisk walks in with a kitten on one tusk and a piece of asphalt on the other, and the bartender asks, "What happened to you?" And the ultralisk says "Aaaaarrrrarararahhhhhhhghggggggaagaaagagggagaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaagggggghaghhhhhhhhaggggggggggggagagaghhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaa!" Because ultralisks can't talk you see.

But it still makes me laugh.
Everything has a pattern. Something set. Even random things. They aren't random at all, its complex mathematics. The trick is to find the pattern. Then you can exploit it.

People think things have a certain end. Taxes. Work. Due dates don't really exist. Trust me. When you put a band of world scholars in the same room, and set them on talking about anything, the most interesting topics come up. The existence of negative time. The probability of "random occurrence". The government's involvement in the media. And falsified due dates. They aren't real, trust me....
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Postby Thoul » Thu Dec 13, '07, 7:03 am

I saw this on another forum - so I thought I'd share it:
A woman goes to a lake early in the morning. She unpacks a boat, fishing tools, and a book. She climbs into the boat with the rest. Then she rows out on the lake a distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
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Postby SparkyIII » Thu Dec 13, '07, 7:59 am

XD Thats good. lol Least he was smart enough to leave her alone.

Watching Mary Poppins reminded me of something funny..."I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith" "Really? Whats the name of his other leg?" It reminded me of a book entitled "A panda eats shoots and leaves" XD Competely having to do with getting puctuation in the right places. "A panda walks into a library, eats a sandwich, then shoots two arrows, as hes walking out the librarian asks, "Why did you do that?" As the panda hands him a book he replies, "It says thats what we do."

PANDA
Black and white bear
Diet: Eats, shoots, and leaves.

XDDDDD
Everything has a pattern. Something set. Even random things. They aren't random at all, its complex mathematics. The trick is to find the pattern. Then you can exploit it.

People think things have a certain end. Taxes. Work. Due dates don't really exist. Trust me. When you put a band of world scholars in the same room, and set them on talking about anything, the most interesting topics come up. The existence of negative time. The probability of "random occurrence". The government's involvement in the media. And falsified due dates. They aren't real, trust me....
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Postby Tsunami » Thu Dec 13, '07, 9:37 am

Wow... Thoul, that's terribly funny. xD
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Postby Thoul » Thu Dec 13, '07, 10:43 am

Great one Sparky! :rofl:
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Postby Silver_Surfer1 » Fri Dec 14, '07, 4:31 am

LOL, Thoul and Sparky, those were very funny jokes! :rofl: :clap:
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Postby SparkyIII » Fri Dec 14, '07, 6:51 pm

I thought the beginning was funny, she unpacks a boat? It must be like the vehicles in PS. XD
Everything has a pattern. Something set. Even random things. They aren't random at all, its complex mathematics. The trick is to find the pattern. Then you can exploit it.

People think things have a certain end. Taxes. Work. Due dates don't really exist. Trust me. When you put a band of world scholars in the same room, and set them on talking about anything, the most interesting topics come up. The existence of negative time. The probability of "random occurrence". The government's involvement in the media. And falsified due dates. They aren't real, trust me....
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Postby Rudo » Fri Dec 14, '07, 9:15 pm

Thoul wrote:I saw this on another forum - so I thought I'd share it:
A woman goes to a lake early in the morning. She unpacks a boat, fishing tools, and a book. She climbs into the boat with the rest. Then she rows out on the lake a distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.


Funny Joke and good moral in the end. Kind of sexist in a way, but I'll let it slide this time. :evil:
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Postby Tsunami » Sat Dec 15, '07, 1:32 am

Okay, I know this is corny, but I love it anyways~! :mrgreen:

Why is 6 afraid of 7? 'Cause 7 8 9!
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Postby Thoul » Sat Dec 15, '07, 2:38 am

:rofl: That's a great one, Tsunami! :clap:
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