Jokes - Know any good ones?

They say that "Laughter is the best medicine". I also saw an advertisement on tv which says that Laughter can add as much as 8 years to your life. So, smile, and share a laugh or two today with someone you care about.

Anyone know any good, clean, jokes or funny items or notes that you would like to share here with everyone and help us all to laugh and feel better? If so, post 'em here in this thread - As always, remember the rules of the board. .



Here's one that's kind of funny:

"What do they call a bull that sleeps a lot?"

They call it: " A Bulldozer ".

Honestly, I was thinking about starting a thread like this earlier! Talk about coincidence.

I do have a question for Thoul. Are blonde jokes or anything regarding strereotypes against the rules? And, I can think of a Pollock joke or two, but would it really be considered racism? And no, I don't think Polish people are stupid, and the same goes for blondes.

Anyhow, I do have a joke in mind. I heard this one a few years back, so bear with me here.

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A boy goes up to his grandfather's cabin for the day, and notices a rather chubby looking dog outside, sleeping by the front door. He goes on inside, greets his grandfather and whatnot. Lunchtime comes around, and the grandfather asks the boy to set the table.

"Grandpa," the boy said, "there's food on these dishes."

The grandfather tells him, "Quit your whinin', boy! It's as clean as cold water can get it."

So he didn't say much more about it, and went on ahead with setting the table. Later on when dinnertime came around, the grandfather asked the boy to get the plates. The boy did as he asked, but noticed that there was food stuck to them.

"Grandpa," the boy said as he inspected the the plate he was holding, "there's food stuck on these plates."

The grandfather then told him, "Quit complainin', boy! It's as clean as cold water can get it!"

The boy didn't say much more about this, and went on ahead with getting the plates. They ate dinner, and the boy spent the night. In the morning, the grandfather asked the boy to get the table ready for breakfast. The boy did as he asked, and once again, the dishes had pieces and bits of food on them.

"Grandpa," the boy said, "there's food all over these dishes!"

The grandfather grumbled to himself, then told him, "Quit cryin', boy! It's as clean as cold water can get it!"

Once again the boy didn't say anything more to this. They ate breakfast, and after they were done, the grandfather told the boy to leave the dishes there and open the door. Then, the grandfather called, "Cold water, come here!"

Tsunami wrote:

I do have a question for Thoul. Are blonde jokes or anything regarding strereotypes against the rules? And, I can think of a Pollock joke or two, but would it really be considered racism? And no, I don't think Polish people are stupid, and the same goes for blondes.

Blond jokes and other stereotype jokes are fine as long as they are not intentionally malicious. Most jokes could offend someone (I doubt bulls are very happy with Secret_Surfer right now ), but as long as there is not an obvious intention to seriously insult or defame a specific person or group, we'll let the jokes ride.

You know, I never knew before today that Pollock jokes had any association with Polish. Most of the ones I have ever heard could be applied to any one and not a specific group like the Polish. When posting those jokes, it might be better to replace "Pollock" with a less direct word. Like I saw just now on another site, "Instead of asking: "How many Poles does it take to screw in a light bulb?", you could ask "How many idiots does it take to screw in a light bulb?" I'm not saying Poles are idiots or you have to replace Pollock, Poles, or Polish with the word idiot. Just that substitution of another word when you think a joke might be taken poorly can make all the difference.

Thoul wrote:

Blond jokes and other stereotype jokes are fine as long as they are not intentionally malicious. Most jokes could offend someone (I doubt bulls are very happy with Secret_Surfer right now ), but as long as there is not an obvious intention to seriously insult or defame a specific person or group, we'll let the jokes ride.

Anything I'd say would be harmless. No worries there, unless someone easily took offense to simple jokes.

Quote:

(snip) I'm not saying Poles are idiots or you have to replace Pollock, Poles, or Polish with the word idiot. Just that substitution of another word when you think a joke might be taken poorly can make all the difference.

Hmmm. I'll keep that in mind... But, really, I don't think it's that offensive. Asking about it beforehand never hurts, though.

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A brunette's driving down the road, and she sees a truck pulled over with sheep loaded in the back of it.

She stops and gets out of her vehicle, then asks the man who owns the sheep, "If I can guess how many sheep are in the back of your truck, can I have one?" and the man tells her to go on ahead.

She guesses the right number and goes on ahead and gets a sheep.

The guy then says, "If I can guess the real color of your roots, you'll give me my dog back."

Thoul wrote:

(I doubt bulls are very happy with Secret_Surfer right now )

Thanks Thoul! You just made me laugh and may have given me 8 years added to my life!

Seriously, you have some good points posted above for us to remember while posting the jokes.

Okay, here's one:

one friend: "What kind of dog is that?"
other friend: "It's a police dog."

one friend: "It doesn't look like a police dog."
other friend: "That's because he's in the 'Secret' Service."

These are some great ones so far. Keep them coming!

Here's one that made me laugh.

One night a robber is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking up to the house when he hears a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps and looks around, but he doesn't see anyone.

He starts creeping across the lawn again, but stops when he hears it again. "Jesus is watching you!"

So now the robber is really spooked and looks around closely. Finally, he sees a parrot in a cage on the poarch. He goes up to the parrot and asks, "Did you say that?"

"Yes, that was me," answers the parrot.

The robber asks the parrot, "What's your name?"

"Clarence," the parrot replies.

The roober says, "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?"

The parrot laughs and says, "The same kind that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus'."

Neithird, that was a superb joke! I loved it! Thanks for the laughs.


Tsunami, I also enjoyed your joke about "Cold Water"! I haven't been able to look at a single dish without thinking of "cold water" since reading that joke.

Remember these old jokes?

" Hey, have you got Prince Albert in a can? Well, you better let him out!"

NOTE: For those that may not know, Prince Albert was a very popular brand of smoking tobacco that came in a small metal can.

And, here's another joke:

" Hey, is your refrigerator running? Well, you better catch it!"