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PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, '14, 7:28 pm 
I guess this would be a scenario for a new and blossoming relationship. If you were in this situation, would you wait a while to tell your significant other that you were a gamer? or would you want them to know right away?

Despite how secure you might be with your gaming life, there is still a stigma that gaming = bad, and people that game are not worth wasting time on. Do you think that someone new might pre-judge you based on the fact that you are a gamer? I don't use personal ads and never would, but I've heard that there are some girls that specify in their profiles: "no gamers please" <---------- Really?

My ex-girlfriend knew that I was a gamer before she got involved with me, and even after being with her for years, she despised the fact that I was a gamer. She took no interest in trying to get involved in my hobby, even though I took an interest in getting involved in quite a few of her hobbies.

This isn't a "cry about my ex-girlfriend" topic, I just wanted you to understand where I'm coming from on this, and how girls have reacted to my gaming in the past. In fact, breaking up with my ex-girlfriend was the best thing I ever did.

I don't actively go looking for girls these days, but if I ever came across a nice girl again, I wonder what would be best. Waiting to tell her that I'm a gamer, or just let her know right away? Also, how would you handle the situation?

I think gaming is only an issue if people let it be. You see, there are gamers out there that live for gaming, and that's all they want to do, but for me, gaming is a hobby. I do it in my free time. Some people watch movies, some people play chess, whatever, I like to game in my free time.

Quite honestly, gaming is one of the lowest priorities in my life. Work, paying bills, staying fit, and home maintenance come first, and if I have time at the end of the day, I will game for an hour or two. I really don't see why that bothers some people.

I'm pretty comfortable in my life right now. I have a good job, I can pay all my bills with money left over to buy the things that I want, and being single doesn't really bother me. I'm used to it.

Upon putting some thought into it, I really think that I would just tell a new girl in my life that I was a gamer right away, and if she wasn't comfortable with it, then she's not worth my time. Relationships shouldn't be about trying to change people.

Last edited by S4Blade on Wed Mar 19, '14, 9:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, '14, 8:42 pm 
Speaking as a girl gamer, I opt for honesty. For me, gaming is one of biggest boons to the relationship between my boyfriend and me. We game together (right now we're playing Saints Row on co-op), we're interested in each other's games (at least to a point…I still can't get into Battlefield and other FPS games, lol) but as a whole and a hobby, it's something we share and bond strongly over. It seems to me that with relationships, the hobbies are where it's important to have some kind of commonality. We also mutually try to get into or at least understand the things we didn't share at first.

Speaking also as a member of two other strongly stigmatized groups (metalhead, atheist) I find that for romantic relationships, honesty is important before the relationship starts - it can stop conflicts before they start, and may be a way to discover something you share. My current boyfriend knew I was an atheist and a metalhead before we got together. On the first, fortunately, that potentially thorny issue was one we already shared and we had a 'wow, really?' moment when we figured that out. The second, not so much, but he accepted it at first and now he also enjoys metal, certainly enough to attend shows with me. Going the other way, I've tried to learn at least something about software programming and tech in general, as he deals with that professionally and does some programming for fun.

A girl that can't accept you're a gamer as a hobby is absolutely not worth your time. And the fact that people do put things like 'No gamers' in their personal ads…well, that's disgusting to me, but if that's what they want to do, that's their loss and really just demonstrates shallowness on their part. I've been judged before for being a gamer, an atheist and a metalhead, and while it does get under my skin at times (a friend once judged me for being a gamer and a metalhead, and I've gotten death threats over being an atheist), in the end, it's worth realizing that people judge (it's easier than understanding) and have a hard time dealing with people who have different perspectives and interests. We all have our prejudices, it's just realizing them and how willing one is to examine them and eventually, let go of them. Relationships are about both accepting and changing, but in a way that's a mutual growth experience, not a battle. And a relationship should be based on trust and honesty. So, I'd say, be forthright and honest that you're a gamer. You can see a lot from the initial reaction, whether it's disgust or 'Really? Me too! What games do you like?' or anything in between.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, '14, 9:29 pm 
Very teresting and touching texts from both of you, Wolf Bird and Vistablade.. I won't be able to write such beautiful texts BUT I think that when you are in a Relationship, you are here to share most of your hobbies but not to change your mutual Partner ! The best is to try to take an interest in the other person's hobbies but not to force it ! For me I know that love to discover a lot of things so no problem about it :)

PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, '14, 10:37 pm 
Wolf Bird: I understand where you are coming from. I'm a metalhead too, and I'm not an atheist, but I'm completely apathetic about religion. I just don't care about it. Great post, a lot of interesting things you said in there.

Being honest is probably the best way to deal with your gaming hobby. It could very well be a quick way to strike common ground, or rule that person out. As you said, I'm sure you would be able to tell much by their initial reaction.

The thing is that gaming is more mainstream now, and there are more girls gaming than ever, so it's really not a bad way to ease into things. However, I've learned that if someone has negative preconceptions about gaming, it's hard to sway them to your side. Back in the day, I would start playing a game at night, and I would get nothing but an earful about how I'm neglecting my ex-girlfriend, and how I'm "Playing those stupid games" instead of spending time with her......yadda yadda yadda.

I did find a few ways to get back at her though. We used to take yearly trips to Las Vegas, and when we were on the plane and in the airport, I would take a portable gaming system with me and play it in front of everyone while being right next to her. And I would make sure that everyone knew she was with me too, LOL. She would get so embarrased it was hilarious.

But I grew tired of playing these games with her, and after a while it didn't seem like it was worth it anymore, so I ended it, and I've been happy ever since.

myau56 I think you are right that "forcing" common interests can make you hate them even more. Trying to change your partner by being influential is one thing, but trying to put someone in a situation where they have to deal with something they are not comfortable with can cause problems.

Last edited by S4Blade on Wed Mar 19, '14, 10:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, '14, 11:04 pm 
Just be who you are. I would tell anyone I was dating that I was a gamer. (D&D table top at that!..shock..gasp!) The way I see it, a person who is interested in you will not fuss about the details. There are so many things out there that are far worse. I used to tell my wife that I do not smoke nor do I drink, but by golly I am buying that Doctor Who DVD. She may not always understand the reason or the need, but that's fine. She accepts my hobbies. She is not going to sit down and watch any episodes with me, or play through any games with me, but we have other things that we do share in common. I think the problems start when your hobby starts to invade your daily life and you start "insert hobby here" more that you spend with him/her that it becomes an issue.

PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, '14, 1:47 pm 
jessie wrote:JShe accepts my hobbies. She is not going to sit down and watch any episodes with me, or play through any games with me, but we have other things that we do share in common. I think the problems start when your hobby starts to invade your daily life and you start "insert hobby here" more that you spend with him/her that it becomes an issue.

This. Acceptance is big. And acceptance isn't necessarily sharing. There are things we've come to share on some level, but still things we don't share and on those, we just accept. My BF is far more into TV shows and movies than me, especially big drama series, like Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones and House of Cards. I just have no interest, but I accept that he is. So he'll watch those things with his brother (they had a little party for the Breaking Bad finale, I just stayed home and did my own thing), or watch them when I've gone to bed, things like that. I'll occasionally watch an episode with him, but usually not. Going the other way, I'm far more interested in trying to be at least somewhat community involved, but he's not. He accepts it, and if I have to be somewhere, he at least helps me get there if necessary. Acceptance is big.

PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, '14, 5:32 pm 
Different people like different things. No one is going to like everything that you like, so coping with and accepting the things you don't like is part of having a relationship. Not hiding your likes and dislikes is the best way to get to truly know someone and find out if they are right for you.

PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, '14, 9:17 pm 
We can see that there many different ways to share or not share different hobbies when you are a couple : as for me I'm not yet in couple with qsomeone in my appartment (soon OUR flat !) -(only in some months ! ) but I'll tell you later how it'll be ! But now with my cat only : no problem at all ! :lol:

PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, '14, 10:00 pm 
Honesty works best. Tell her/him and if she/he cares at all about you and the relationship then you both should be able to work it out somehow. Give and take on both sides. Without honesty in a relationship it is practically doomed from the start as that can cause other major problems besides just gaming issues. Regardless of the gaming, do all you can to make sure your partner knows they are loved and are special to you then other things or problems may not be such a big issue between the two of you.

PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, '14, 12:25 pm 
Yes, honesty is very important : but she knows that I play video games but honestly... I don't have too much time to play video games anymore and I'm sure that I'll play less in some months but no problem about it :) Many other things to do and from many years now, I've totally abandoned non handheld consoles so ... :)
But maybe I'll be able to interest her in portables and some video games ? I'm sure about it !

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